Layers of Ice
by snackthatsmilesbackk
Summary: Basically a story starting in season 3 where Caitlin has her Ice Powers. I mainly wrote this for myself because almost no one has written any SnowBarry stories centering around her ice powers. Mainly a Caitlin-centric fic, but everyone will make an appearance. DISCLAIMER: I (as much as I wish I did) Do not own the Flash.
1. Chapter 1

_"_ _You have nothing to worry about Cait. I think out of everyone actually, you're the only one who wasn't really affected when I messed with the timeline."_

Only if he knew who she really was. She watched him walk away, as his smile lit up the room he was standing in. _Then again his smile lights up every room._ As soon as he left she looked at her hand, which had slowly begun to crystallize with little fragments of ice around it. And of course, you can't forget the frost coming out of her hand as well. Caitlin definitely couldn't. She glanced down at her now frozen hand, and looked back where Barry had just exited. Dread, guilt, and anxiety were pretty much her only emotions now.

" _There's no way Barry can know about this. After everything that has apparently changed in his life after Flashpoint, (or whatever he's calling it) I can't let him think I've changed._ " Caitlin thought to herself. So that's what she did. She refused to let Barry see anything but perfectly normal Caitlin Snow. And it was coming along well that is, until good old Mirror Master trapped Barry in well, a mirror. Cisco and Harry decided to come together to build a molecular decelerator in the cold gun. The goal of it was to freeze the mirror to absolute zero, and keep it cold enough for Barry to phase through. Caitlin, more than anyone wanted it to work so she wouldn't face the worst case scenario of using her powers. She shuddered at the thought and tried to focus on anything but Barry's predicament.

Caitlin sat there chewing her bottom lip, staring at Cisco and Harry hoping, _praying_ the device would work to get Barry out, _sweet, warm, undeniably attracti- CAITLIN STOP IT!_ She pushed away those thoughts faster than when she heard Iris coming while her and Barr- Hannibal Bates were kissing. Caitlin guessed that when he kissed her as Barry, that is when she started developing these… well, feelings for Barry. After she found out (the best kiss she ever had) wasn't really Barry, she felt disappointed. I mean, it shocked her that Iris couldn't see how much of a determined, hot, sensitive guy he was. (But apparently, Iris realized it because they're dating.) _When did that happen again?_ Caitlin berated herself for letting herself fall for Jay Garrick. Better known as Hunter Zoloman, or Zoom. She suspects she fell so fast for Jay because his quirks and his constant determination to fight for what is right reminded her of a certain scarlet speedster that she had been working with for quite some time now. Two years was it? Caitlin couldn't remember. Time flies when you're saving the city. _And working with a certain someone named the Flash._ She missed her chance with Barry long ago, after Patty, she could have swooped in and picked up his pieces. But then again there wasn't much time for love when they were fighting Zoom.

She watched on as Cisco and Harry powered up the device and cringed when Barry couldn't phase out because it wasn't cold enough. _You know what you have to do…_ The voice in her head kept denying that the only way of Barry's escape was her powers. As if the universe was telling her there was no other way, the unmistakable Metahuman Alert Alarm went off.

BEEP BEEP! _I swear, the universe wants me to save Barry…_

"Metahuman Alert." Caitlin warned, inwardly cursing herself.

"Oh, for God's sake." Cisco whined.

"If it's not one thing, it's the other"

"Hang on, Bar." The team exited the lab where the mirror that held Barry captive.

"Guys? Hello?" Barry asked. _Great now you have to help Barry. Wells and Cisco obviously can't. Everyone just left him in this mirror with no possible way of escape. And plus, there's a metahuman alert, he has to get free._

Caitlin felt so many different emotions at the same time, pangs of guilt, anxiety, and a new one; power. She pushed them all aside to free her friend. As soon as she saw the whole mirror frost over and the temperature go down even further, she too left to join the others. How ironic, the woman who has been figuratively cold her whole life, gets labeled an "Ice Queen", and even has the last name of _Snow_ for crying out loud, gets _ice powers._ She laughed bitterly to herself. With a gush of wind, he was standing in front of everyone. Of course, Barry beat her to the Cortex. He is the fastest man alive after all. _And the sexiest too- Caitlin stop right now!_

"Guys." Everyone turned around with relief and confusion on their faces. Caitlin didn't miss the way Iris ran to him and hugged him for what seemed like a millennium. No one noticed Caitlin slip in though. She thought she was off the hook until she heard:

"How did you get out?" come from a suspicious Harry. _Oh no… They know something, I'm doomed. Barry will find out and everyone will start questioning me._

"It doesn't matter how. I'm here aren't I? Now let's get Scudder!" Barry said, calming their confusion for a while. She breathed a sigh of relief, and immediately filled back up with dread. _What if Barry already knows? What if he thinks that I can't trust him? Because I totally can trust him, I just don't want to hurt him. Not that I would intentionally hurt him, Great now I'm turning into Felicity._

Getting Scudder ended up being fairly easy in the end. Who knew that to trap him, you would just encircle him with an endless mirror circle. Apparently, Barry knew. After all, he is a scientist. _And I'm only his personal physician. I'm just his friend. Nothing more. Get that through your head Caitlin!_ As everyone was congratulating Barry on his win, she noticed that Jesse and Wally sure had become a little closer in the past few weeks. Wally whispered something in her ear and Jesse giggled like a schoolgirl. _Why is it that all of the Wests get to fall in love with the speedsters?_ Caitlin was conflicted with herself. On one hand, she wanted to be happy for Jesse and Wally _and Barry and Iris…_ But she couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't good enough to catch the eye of a speedster. **_Jay._** She pushed that name that now haunted her out of her head. He was slowly killing her. It's not every day you get ice powers and your thoughts are plagued by hallucinations of an evil supervillain. And on the other hand, she hated the fact that she felt disposable. No one could love her anymore. She was nothing but a friend to Barry, that was clear in the way he kissed Iris.

"Caitlin, are you okay?" Who said that? Caitlin looked around hoping it was Cisco, Joe, Harry, or even Iris. But of course it was Barry. The one guy who always saw right through her walls of ice. It had been a few minutes now and Caitlin was still staring off into space, so Barry repeated himself, with a little bit more force. "Cait? Are you okay?" Caitlin didn't miss the way he emphasized her nickname. She looked around and everyone was staring at her, eagerly anticipating her answer.

"Oh me? Yeah sure I'm fine! I was just trying to figure out a way to - _stop the ice power thing-_ uh, recalibrate the security cam system. It seemed kind of off, um fuzzy screen resolution." Everyone but Barry and Cisco accepted her answer. Cisco was giving her the "Oh girl we are so talking later" look and Barry, well she couldn't decipher his look. He looked a mixture or disappointment, confusion, and something else she couldn't quite detect. _Barry couldn't know… could he? I was in the back of the mirror, there's no way he could've seen me._ Caitlin packed up her things and let the others rejoice in celebration when Cisco's breach began moving. Everyone was armed and ready to kill whatever decided to jump through. But it was Earth-19 Harrison Wells. The replacement Wells that they picked to help the team while Earth-2 Harrison Wells was back on his Earth. New Wells decided to go exploring for a Big Belly Burger, and Caitlin took that chance to get out of the lab before Cisco bombarded her with questions.

Caitlin let out a sigh. This was her favorite part of the day; taking a hot shower. Like, scalding hot. She never felt warmth anymore, mainly just cold. So, she tried to get as much of the heat as possible. She relished in it. She looked at her hands, and they started to crystallize. She looked around and no longer felt the hot water on her back, but instead came face to face with ice crystals everywhere. _Oh. My. Go- I froze the shower!_ She hurriedly dried herself off and flew out of the shower. Everything was covered in a thin layer of frost. She probably would have cried at that moment, but something distracted her. Something, _blonde_. She stopped and ever slowly backed up and faced herself in the mirror. There, peeking out from underneath her brown locks, was none other than a good chunk of blonde hair. And not just any blonde, but Killer Frost blonde. And her lips, they weren't a pinkish color anymore, no. They were _blue_. Caitlin wanted to scream and cry. (And if she were being honest with herself, tell Barry.) She frantically picked up a pair of scissors and cut off the blonde snake that was growing out of her head.

"I'm not evil! I don't want to be Killer Frost; I just want to be Caitlin again! Stupid Barry, stupid doppelganger. I want my old life back!" Caitlin cried out from the bathroom floor, chunks of blonde hair surrounded her and a bottle of wine. She almost laughed at the way she sat on the floor. If someone were to come in, she looked like she was on a reality TV show, or having a mid-life crisis. Little did she know there was a person who happened to have a key to her house, and drove over to see if she was okay.

"Caitlin?" She froze. A knock on the bathroom door startled her. Was it Barry? Cisco? She didn't know. All she knew is that she was crying on her bathroom floor with nothing but a towel on. A small part of her wished it was Barry. There it was again.

"Caitlin?" The muffled voice rang out.

"Um, just a minute. Let me get dressed." Caitlin managed to get out. Caitlin threw on some clothes and her nice fluffy robe, and frantically tried to get rid of the blonde hair all over the floor. As she was about to open the door, she remembered her lips were as blue as Killer Frost's so she put on her favorite red lipstick and threw open the door, to none other than Cisco Ramon.

"Oh my gosh, Caitlin what the heck happened?!" Cisco asked, obviously shocked at the bathroom's state. _The bathroom! I forgot about the bathroom!_ She mentally scolded herself. Cisco pushed his way into the room, and carefully examined the walls, and the shower. It had to of been at least 10 minutes before Cisco spoke.

"Cisco for the love of all things holy, please say something. Anything." Caitlin begged.

"When did you get these powers dude?" Cisco asked, still in shock.

"Not long after my meeting with Killer Frost herself." Caitlin honestly couldn't remember how long, or when she got these powers. She just assumed that after her meeting with Killer Frost was when it happened.

"Does Barry know?"

"No, and I prefer to keep it that way." She stated.

"Why Caitlin? Why are you so intent on keeping your gift from him- from us?!" Cisco asked, clearly frustrated.

"Gift? GIFT?! Cisco are you kidding me right now?!This isn't a gift, it's a curse! Can't you see that if I told Barry, he would think that I'm becoming… _her._ I wish I never got these powers, I was fine just being Caitlin! They do nothing but force me to shut out everyone I love, why do you think that I don't want to tell Barry?!" Caitlin yelled. Cisco chose to ignore (for now) that Caitlin admitted to liking Barry, because something he should have told her a while ago was heavy on his heart.

"Caitlin. I have a confession to make…" Cisco started sheepishly.

"Go on"

"Well, when Barry and I went to Earth-2, he pretended to be his doppelganger, and he found Deathstorm and Killer Frost wreaking havoc on Central City. He told me that seeing you as an evil ice queen that loved nothing more than death and herself, made him try again and again to save her, not because she was evil, but because she was you. After we got back to our Earth, he told me that it was the coolest, literally, thing he ever saw. But all he could imagine was you having those powers, kicking butt and taking names, by his side. And now, you do have these powers. You and Barry could be an unstoppable crime fighting team. With the one and only Cisco Ramon working backstage helping you guys." Cisco confessed. He had suspected for a while that Caitlin and Barry had a thing, but then Patty, Jay and Iris got in the way, and the two could never really figure out what they truly meant to each other.

"Cisco, I don't think I could ever do what Barry does. I'm just his personal physician and com girl. That's all I am to Barry, I mean, let's be honest here, I'm no Iris West. Perfect hair, perfect body, perfect face, perfect, perfect, PERFECT! I mean, it's all I'll ever be. Nothing more than a girl who helps him out with crime fighting behind the scenes and patches him up when he gets hurt." Caitlin looked down at her feet.

"Well, well, well. It appears that a certain someone is a bit jealous? Don't we think?" Cisco teased. Caitlin's eyes shot up to meet Cisco's.

"I am not! Just because I think Iris is pretty, and I was just stating my position on the team, does not make me jealous!" Caitlin weakly tried to defend herself from Cisco very true observations.

"Mhmm, okay sure Caitlin. Whatever you say… Mrs. Barry Allen!" Cisco couldn't resist teasing his friend.

"Cisco quit that!" She playfully punched his arm.

"In all seriousness Caitlin, I think you should tell Barry. He's going to be angry when he finds out you've kept this huge secret for all this time." Cisco added.

"You aren't going to tell him… are you?" Caitlin asked, insecurity creeping into her voice.

"No Cait, I'm going to let you tell him. But when you do, don't you dare tell him I found out before he did, or I'm pretty sure he'll kill me." Cisco sighed. And with that Cisco gave her a hug and left her to think about what she was going to do.

"Hey Cisco?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. And, I think I'm going to visit my mom, see if she can help me figure this out."

"Do you really think that's a good idea? Given your history together, and I mean, I can always test you at S.T.A.R Labs!" Cisco attempted to reason.

"No, it's too big a risk of Barry flying in and me in the middle of shooting ice at a plastic dummy. I'm not ready to deal with all of his questions just yet." Caitlin answered.

"Fair enough. I'll let you go if you promise me you're going to tell Barry as soon as you get back. Pretty please with two cherries on top?" Cisco begged.

Caitlin rolled her eyes, "I promise." That seemed to satisfy Cisco enough, so he left and she went to sleep, dreading, but looking forward to getting some help from her mother.


	2. Chapter 2

_Caitlin was in the Cortex late at night trying to piece together some part of the puzzle to why this new metahuman could not get hurt. He was a meta that they could not deteriorate no matter how hard they tried. Caitlin had tried plugging in every idea that she and Cisco had to try and beat the meta, but he refused to go down quietly. She sat at her desk with her pen in her mouth and a Big Belly Burger bag on her desk. "Cisco would tease me so much if he knew I was breaking my 'no food in the lab' rule." She laughed to herself. All of the sudden, a gush of air flew into the room, and there was Barry, shirt half tucked in, hair a complete mess, (the disheveled look was something Caitlin very much liked on him) and his eyes looked like they were staring into her soul._

 _"_ _Barry? What are you doing here so late?" Caitlin asked, "And why do you look like a hot mess?"_

 _"_ _I could ask you the same thing, Dr. Snow. Except, you aren't a mess." Barry said, his voice sounding husky. Caitlin just took in the fact that he called her hot and blushed. The intensity he was staring at her with, made her want to melt under his gaze. It took all she had not to give in to Barry's charm._

 _"_ _Caitlin, I came here to tell you that Iris and I aren't together anymore," Barry said, still burning a hole through her with his eyes. Caitlin smiled internally because this could be her chance to finally, finally get with Barry. On the outside, however, she attempted to remain nonchalant. When did he get this close to her again? He was nearly on top of her and every whisper that came out of his mouth was pure and utter seduction. Caitlin didn't know how long she was going to last. He faintly smelled like cologne and coffee. If he came any closer their breath would start to mingle in with each other._

 _"_ _Um… I'm so sorry for you Barry." Caitlin attempted to console, but honestly, she sounded indifferent because she was so flustered at Barry's appearance and voice that she couldn't properly speak right._

 _"_ _Don't be. I'm in love with another girl." Barry said hungrily. He was moving closer towards her. (if that was possible) Caitlin knew if he touched her she would probably not be able to quell the fire that burned inside of her. But at the sound of Barry's admission of love for another, that turned Caitlin off, and she moved away from him as if she had just been burned._

 _"_ _Good for you Barry. I'm glad that you are happy." Caitlin smiled through her pain, being genuinely happy for Barry. If she couldn't be happy for herself, she at least needed to be there and be happy for the guy who she loves. She couldn't run away from the situation fast enough because she felt like she was going to cry. She'd never catch Barry's eye. Then, Barry grabbed her by the hand and spun her around to him._

 _"_ _Cait." Barry purred. Caitlin thought at that moment, she never wanted anyone else to call her Cait except for Barry. The way he said her nickname was like a mantra booming in her head. 'Cait. Cait. Cait.'_

 _"_ _What are you doing?" She asked, knowing full well what he was about to do._

 _"_ _Something I should have done a long time ago," Barry admitted. Something about that was all too familiar. That line of dialogue, but Caitlin didn't care. This was Barry. The real Barry. He looked her up and down one time and finally connected his lips to hers. The kiss was a nuclear explosion. If Caitlin thought a touch would undo her, this kiss killed her. It was needy and passionate. "Ca-ait" Barry whimpered her name against her lips and Caitlin put her fingers through his hair like she always wanted to do. But then something wasn't right. He stopped reciprocating. She pulled back and looked at Barry._

 _"_ _C-cait?" Barry whispered, eyes no longer filled with passion, but filled with fear. It's funny how a second ago, she was in love with the way he said her nickname, and now it was cold and harsh. He appeared to be shivering- freezing cold. That's weird, she was on fire, for once she wasn't cold. Barry slowly started to freeze. "C-c-c-aait-t-t. Wh-wh-at-t h-h-ave you d-d-done?" He spat out. Oh, no Caitlin's power must have been awakened, she was freezing Barry! She backed away from him, trying to make him stop, but no matter what she did to try and help, only made him freeze faster. The last words she heard Barry say was the most hurtful words she had ever heard in her life._

 _"_ _Y-y-ou ar-re a m-m-monst-ter."_

Caitlin woke up screaming Barry's name. That dream was one of many that had started out with her fantasy being turned into her worst nightmare. In her mind's struggle to keep Barry alive, she had managed to freeze her entire room. Her covers were laying half on the bed, half off and she felt cold and clammy. She looked at the clock, it was 4:53am. Good of a time as any to get started for the day. She unlocked her phone, to 3 missed calls from Barry, and a text from him. "Dang, I wonder if Barry was okay?" She hit his unread text message.

"Hey Cait, I know you're upset about something, I want to let you know that I'm always going to be there for you. I promise. You're my favorite person to talk to, and I'm sorry I called so many times, I just wanted to hear your voice to make sure you were okay. You were probably asleep. Anyways, you can always talk to me okay? I'll see you at the lab tomorrow. -Barry." Caitlin stared at the text message for a solid 5 minutes before she did anything else.

"I'm his favorite person to talk to? Even over Iris? Dang, now I wish I would have taken Cisco up on his offer to test me." She said out loud. She decided against texting him back, for fear that she would tell him the truth. If Barry Allen was good at anything, it was breaking down her walls without even trying. It didn't help that she was still reeling from kissing Barry then killing him in her dream. So, she did what she does best; bottle up all of her emotions. Caitlin was going to take a shower to get ready for her visit with her mom but then decided against it after remembering what happened last night. She got dressed and drove to her mom's lab. On her way there, her phone pinged twice. One from Barry, one from Cisco.

Barry: "Hey Cait, where are you? You're late my friend!"

Cisco: "Oh yeah girl, how long are you going to be gone again? Barry's driving me nuts because he doesn't know where you went. Let the kid know you are okay before he destroys the lab looking for you! Please come back soon!"

Caitlin smiled at the two boys' texts. As soon as she pulled into the parking lot of her mom's lab, she texted Cisco back "Hey, I left a voice recording for you guys with H.R, ask him to play it for you." She put her phone back in her purse and went to go into the lab where her mother wasn't expecting her. _Should I have called? Eh, I guess it really wouldn't have mattered if I did or not._

"Hi, um can you tell Dr. Tannhauser that Caitlin Snow is here?"

"Do you have an appointment?" The nasty receptionist snarled. _I knew I should have called first._

"I appreciate the diligence Jackie, but Caitlin is always welcomed here." The voice that seemed to come out of nowhere was none other than her mother. The receptionist rolled her eyes and told her to go up the stairs to the left. As Caitlin walked up the stairs to her mother's office, she was relieved that at least one good decision in her life that she made was to go on her own path to S.T.A.R Labs instead of working here, where everyone seemed so, robotic. _Just think Caitlin, if you never would have gone to S.T.A.R Labs, you never would have met Barry, or helped the Flash. Thank God I moved away from this place._

"So what brings you here? I didn't forget your birthday, did I? I thought I sent a card." Dr. Tannhauser said sarcastically.

"No, you didn't forget. I was reading your new paper on applications in cryo-medicine, and I think you might be able to help." Caitlin admitted.

"I have no idea that you kept up on literature over at _S.T.A.R Labs_ , that's still what it's called, right?" Caitlin gritted through her mom's insult about her place of work. She was seriously getting irritated by her mom's extremely rude behavior.

"Yes, and I have a patient who could use your help."

"Well, if you want to send over the file, I'll be happy to take a look when I have a chance, but right now I have a shareholder meeting to prepare for-" Caitlin had had enough of her mother's incompetence.

"MOM!" Caitlin slammed her hand on the desk, and she felt the cold frost flowing out of her fingertips and covering the desk in a layer of ice. " _I'm_ the patient." The look on her mom's face was a mixture of awe, fear, and confusion. As much as Caitlin hated to use her powers, she thought this was necessary to get the point across. As soon as she heard her mother tell Jackie to cancel her appointments, the gravity of what Caitlin had just done sunk in. She looked at the desk, her hands, and then her mother with fearful eyes. She just wanted to know why she had these powers. Was it a sick twist from Killer Frost because they shared the same DNA? Did Killer Frost do something to her when they met? She wondered if seeing your super doppelganger gave the normal one a bit of their power. After Cisco's encounter with Reverb, Cisco started to be able to control his powers better. What if Earth-2 Barry is becoming a speedster? She didn't know. All she knew is that she was about to be put through a lot of tests, and quite a few interrogations.

Apparently, her mom had brought in one of her top scientists to help solve the mystery of her powers. His name was Nigel. He was telling her things like "Everything will be okay" and "We'll figure this out." Caitlin nodded, not exactly listening because she still couldn't process the feeling she got when she froze her mom's desk; power. And that isn't what scared her. What scared her, is that she liked it. Nigel was currently leading her to a lab to test just how powerful she was.

"What's this?"

"It's to test how your ability affects molecular motion. That shaft is solid Tungsten and it's heated to over 2,000 degrees centigrade. I want you to cool it down, and when we determine how you can do that, we can figure out the best way to help you. Best we could do in such little time." Her mother explained.

"So this is where you've been for the last hour." Said Caitlin, still trying to process everything.

"I had to reschedule my day for this Caitlin. A lot of things around here require my attention." There it was. The sentence that let Caitlin know her mother was going to make her feel guilty for putting a kink in her plans.

"Whenever you're ready, go ahead." Dr. Tannhauser motioned to the shaft of Tungsten. Caitlin paused for a second, then let it all go. She started out slowly, trying to freeze the Tungsten, her mom told her not to hold back, so Caitlin gave it all she had. Sure enough, the Tungsten that was heated to 2,000 degrees centigrade, was now completely frozen solid. She pulled back, fear filling her eyes at the feat she had just done. Caitlin looked down at her hands. _Did I seriously just do that?..._ Her mother and Nigel shared a look, and Nigel sat at the computer waiting for everything to analyze. Her mom was clearly shocked.

"How long have you had these abilities?" _Here comes the interrogation._

"They started manifesting a few months ago, but I'm assuming I got the when the particle accelerator exploded, just like all the other metas." To be honest, that's the only thing that seemed the most plausible, but Caitlin had no clue how these powers began.

"Have you told anyone?"

"I told my friend Cisco, and he offered to help, but I thought it'd be best to see you."

"I knew you shouldn't have taken that job at S.T.A.R Labs. You could've stayed here, had access to world-class facilities."

Caitlin shook her head, "And have all of my work be in your shadow, no thank you!"

"Of course, the only time you need your mother is when you are in trouble. Three years, not a single phone call. Then when trouble hits, you come waltzing through the door expecting Mommy to fix everything." Caitlin couldn't believe her mom was being this shallow. After the fact that she threw herself into her work and hardly was a "Mother" after her dad died, how dare she? Caitlin was getting ready to retort when Nigel's computer distracted them.

"Dr. Tannhauser, you need to see this." She watched as her mother hurried to the computer and look at a biometric scale of her.

"She _absorbed_ all that energy?" Dr. Tannhauser said, almost confused. Caitlin could hear them talking about her. And suddenly, she wanted nothing to do with these tests anymore. She knew that nothing good could come of this. So after her mother left, she grabbed her things and started to leave.

"And where do you think you are going, Dr. Snow?" Nigel asked.

"Home. I have found out all I need to know." Caitlin said, afraid of what the future held for her.

"I don't think so. I'm done living in the shadow of your mother." Nigel said bitterly. And with that, he locked the doors so there was no way of escape.

"No. I think you are going to let me leave." She grabbed Nigel's arm and that's when she started to feel powerful again. The frost flowed from her palms, nearly burning Nigel's skin with the extreme cold. She called it Frost Bite. Nigel began to writhe in pain.

"You are never going to test me. Not now, or ever." Caitlin said, but her voice became distorted as if her inner darkness had taken control.

"Caitlin! Stop!" Her Mother cried. She stopped immediately at the sound of her Mother's voice, and looked at what she had just done, his pain reminding her of what she did to Barry in her heart-wrenching dream. She couldn't hurt people with this ability! She had to help! Caitlin fled from the lab got in her car and drove away, trying to escape the reality that is now her life even though she knew it was pointless. Back to Central City, back to S.T.A.R Labs, and most importantly, back to _Barry._


	3. Chapter 3

Caitlin couldn't escape what she had just done. She knew her mother had her back, and wouldn't let any of what she did get out to the public. But that isn't what she was trying to escape. She truly was a monster no better than Killer Frost herself. How in the world was she supposed to get Barry to understand this when she couldn't understand it herself? _Barry._ She had to tell him when she saw him next, but she couldn't. He couldn't know. She didn't care what she promised Cisco, Barry could NOT know about this. She honestly wasn't sure if she was going to tell Cisco that she nearly killed someone. Just thinking about nearly killing someone made her flashback to her dream where she killed Barry. _It may have been only a dream, but dream Barry was right, I am a monster. There's no way that he would want to be with me now that I have these powers. And besides, he is with IRIS. Not me, IRIS. There's a reason Barry and Iris are together. They're, they're, oh I don't know! Heck, they're Barry and Iris, meant to be together! That stupid newspaper clipping from the future even knows it! "Iris West-Allen" Ugh, gross._ Caitlin pulled into the parking lot of S.T.A.R Labs and awaited Cisco's never-ending questions.

"You, guys I don't know how to stop this monster! It disappears every time I try to fight it, I wish Caitlin were here." She heard Barry say. She smiled a bit to herself and walked into the Cortex where Team Flash was standing.

"Well, I am here now Mr. Barry Allen, what can I do for you?" Caitlin said, quite amused.

"CAITLIN!" Barry and Cisco both yelled and ran over to give her a hug. As much as Cisco tried to outrun the Flash, he lost, obviously. Barry collided into her so hard, they both fell over onto the ground.

"Hey there Barry, glad to see you." And she was glad to see him. She liked to see her speedster, sorry, _the_ speedster happy. Barry knew how to make her smile when she felt the world was closing in on her, whether he knew it or not. Neither one noticed that Barry was lying on top of her, his breath mingling in with hers, oh so close to making Caitlin's heart stop. And then Caitlin noticed. She noticed, and cursed herself because she wished she didn't have to do the right thing. The sudden urge to kiss him was so powerful, _is he getting closer to me? If that's even possible._ but then she saw Iris in Barry's eyes and immediately retreated into her shell. Luckily, Cisco and HR were the only other people in the room. _I wish they weren't…_

"Um, Barry? You're squishing me." Caitlin laughed. She watched as the recognition of how close they were dawned on Barry.

"Oh, right! Heh. Sorry." And well, in a flash Caitlin was standing on her own two feet again and Cisco pulled her in for a hug. _Did Barry Allen just blush? Is that redness on his cheeks that I see?_

"It's good to have you back Cait," Cisco said. Caitlin flinched when she heard that name. _"C-cait? Y-you a-ar-e a m-m-onster-r."_ She flashed back to her dream. Funny how she can't even remember her and Barry making out, but she could remember the hurt in Barry's green eyes, the fear, and the way she killed him. She shuddered.

"Are you okay Caitlin?" Cisco asked, obviously concerned and shot her a look that said: "What happened over there?"

"Oh yeah, I'm fine! So, fill me in on this monster running around Central City." Caitlin said lamely. _The only monster in Central City is me…_ Caitlin tuned in and out of what everyone was telling her, and occasionally said something, or nodded, but she couldn't resist thinking about what would have happened if HR and Cisco weren't there. Would she have kissed Barry? Would he have kissed her? _Caitlin, don't think about things that will never happen. Hey, I can think about whatever I want, I just can't act on it._ Caitlin's thoughts were at war with herself. The logical one was telling her it was pointless considering that for one, Barry was in love with Iris, and she was only a friend. But the other side, the 15-year-old version of herself, (the one controlled by her hormones) was dreaming about kissing Barry, and in that world, Iris was only the name of a flower.

"Caitlin? What should we do about it?" Barry asked.

"Um, I would use the Carbon Fiber rope to wrap it around the monster, like they did in Empire Strikes Back," Caitlin said, only half listening to Barry's problem.

"That didn't really answer the question, but that is a good idea to stop the monster! Let's do it!" Barry said excitedly. Just then, Barry's phone rang.

"Hello? Hey, Julian. Okay, I'll be there in a flash." He clicked end on the call. "Off to go help Julian, ugh." Barry rolled his eyes and was gone in a second.

Caitlin chewed her bottom lip and stared off into the distance where Barry had just left. _I wish I could tell you what I am, and what I've done… But Barry, for your sake I can't. I couldn't take you hating me. I couldn't take it. I need to not think about this. I need to think about the problem at hand, the monster! You mean yourself? NO, CAITLIN, THE MONSTER DESTROYING THE CITY. Same difference._ Caitlin's thoughts were overwhelming her. She needed to escape, get away from S.T.A.R Labs. Coming back this soon was a mistake. She was just about to dart out of the room when Cisco's voice infiltrated her thoughts.

"Caitlin, what the heck happened at your mom's? You haven't been paying attention to anything we are talking about!" Cisco accused. Caitlin couldn't answer because she knew her voice would betray her. Her eyes were already filling to the brim with tears. She couldn't speak, not in front of HR, not in front of Cisco. She hated to cry in front of people, even if it was her best friend. And at that moment, Caitlin decided to run, run far away. Cisco didn't have speed powers; he couldn't catch her. She heard Cisco yell after her, but she didn't care. She just had to leave the room. Caitlin found herself in the pipeline and just sat down and decided to let everything out. The sobs racked through her body. She couldn't bear the guilt she carried. Cisco chased after her and approached her gently.

"Caitlin, what happened?" Cisco asked calmly. Caitlin's tear stained eyes looked at him and she knew Cisco wouldn't hate her.

"I-I almost killed someone…" Caitlin whispered. Cisco, seeing that any sort of overreaction would probably push Caitlin away, just kind of put his arm around her and let her cry. She would speak when she was ready. It was at least 15 minutes before Caitlin spoke.

"Everything was going fine, I found something out about my powers that I didn't know before, but this man. This man Nigel became greedy and tried to lock me in a room and was going to force me to be tested. I don't know what it was Cisco, but this cloud of darkness took over my body, and I started to freeze this man. I told him he was never going to test me now or ever again. He writhed in pain and I… I liked it. I reveled in his pure agony. I probably would have killed him if my mother didn't stop me in time…" Caitlin started crying even more. "Cisco, what if I can't control it? What if whenever I get angry, my darkness takes over? What if I… kill someone?" she added.

"Shhh Cait. It's okay. Don't think about that right now. You are not going to kill someone. We are going to find a way to stop your powers from surfacing from emotions, and I swear to you Caitlin Snow I will not stop until we find a cure for you." Cisco said, trying to be reassuring, but he himself was taken aback at Caitlin's confession. He had no idea what to do, but he did know one thing. He was going to help his friend at all costs. "Have you told Barry?" asked Cisco.

"I was going to. I really was, but after this incident, I don't think I can. He would hate me for what I am. He would only think of me as some weird ice girl. He would hate me and think that I'm a monster…" Caitlin looked down. Now Cisco had to laugh, this was too funny. "Why are you laughing at me?" Caitlin said angrily.

"Caitlin! Do you hear how silly that sounded? For one, Barry Allen could NEVER hate you. He'd be a hypocrite if he hated you for having powers. Hello, speedster! And for two, Barry would NEVER think you are a monster. I don't think he physically could even think that about you, Caitlin. Barry is the type of guy who loves all people. Why do you think he fights so hard for the people of the city? Cait, I know that Barry would do anything in his power to help you." Cisco assured. If Caitlin was being honest with herself, (which she never is) she would agree with Cisco. But her dream, her oh so vividly real dream keeps convincing her otherwise. It would be kind of embarrassing to explain to Cisco the dream she had, regardless if he ships her and Barry or not.

"I just really don't want him to know Cisco. He'll lose focus on saving the city because he'll be trying to save me." Caitlin stopped crying so much and one single tear rolled down her face.

"Cait, for the sake of the team, I think Barry needs to know. If you want, I can go with you and be there for support." Caitlin wasn't opposed to moral support. Sure this was going to be hard, and Barry couldn't hate her… Right? Caitlin's phone buzzed.

"Speak of the devil. It's Barry." Caitlin spoke.

Barry: "Hey Cait! I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad you're back. Cisco's great and all, but I like having you around more. ;) Don't tell him I said that. Lol, but also what I was going to say is that you seem kind of upset. Wanna get some Jitters and talk about it?"

Caitlin just kind of stared at her phone. _Was Barry asking me out on a date? No, of course not! He is dating IRIS. And also, winky faces? What is this?_ _He likes having me around more? I'm so confused. Is he being flirty? No, he's just being nice old Barry, being friendly. Not flirty. Friendly not flirty, friendly not flirty, friendly not flirty._

"What did Barry say?" Cisco inquired. Cisco, nosy as he is read the text over her shoulder. "I'm great and all but he likes having you around more winky face?! Are you joking me? Caitlin, my hurt feelings aside, go to Jitters and talk to him about this!" Cisco told. Oh, good old Cisco, a flare for the dramatics. "If you don't text him back, I will!" He threatened.

"Okay, okay! Give me a second Mr. Bossy!" and for the first time in a few hours, Caitlin smiled.

Caitlin: "Okay, I'll meet you at Jitters in an hour? Sound good?"

Barry's reply was instantaneous.

Barry: "An hour? I can't wait that long to see you! How about 20 minutes? Gives you time to get ready! Pleassssseeee, Dr. Snow? :)"

Caitlin: "Fine Barry, I'll meet you in 20 minutes. You're so impatient lol!"

Barry: "I'm always impatient for things I look forward to. ;)"

Caitlin was getting confused now. Barry, who currently had a girlfriend, and was totally not into her, was flirting with her. Cisco, who naturally was reading over her shoulder the whole time, was waggling his eyebrows at her.

"Barry is flirting with you with a capital F!" Cisco teased.

"He is not! And besides, he's still dating Iris, isn't he? Barry is not the type of guy to play girls like that!" Caitlin rationalized.

"Caitlin, whether he's flirting or not, you need to go and tell him about everything," Cisco said. As much as she hated to admit it, Cisco was right. Barry needed to know.

Caitlin didn't think this was a date considering he was dating another person, so she just went with some leggings and a grey relaxed fit t-shirt. _Relaxed. Ha! That's the opposite of what I am now. I'm coming here going to spill everything to Barry. Well not everything, he can't know about my feelings, only the ice powers. Nothing more than that. I mean, even if I did tell Barry I liked him, he most definitely would NOT feel the same way. Hello, Iris! The love of his life! Whatever, this isn't a confession of love, it is just simply telling him that I have Killer Frost's powers and I almost killed someone, gosh what am I going to do?_ She pulled into Jitters, reapplied her makeup and took a deep breath. _It's just Barry. He won't hate me._ Caitlin kept repeating those 7 words over and over in her head, trying to desperately ingrain it into her head. She saw Barry talking to a girl behind the counter, they both laughed. _He won't be laughing when I drop this bomb on him._

Barry's eyes turned around to see who walked through the door, he stopped laughing with the barista and ran up to her and gave her a hug. Caitlin took note of the feel of Barry's arms wrapped around her and relished in it before he hated her- he let go.

"I appreciate you not knocking me over this time Barry!" Caitlin joked.

"Sorry about that! I was just happy to see you! I-we missed you Cait." Barry's cheeks reddened. Silence. Both awkwardly looked anywhere but each other.

"Allen!" Saved by the barista. Barry practically fell out of his seat at the name. He ran to go get the drinks. Caitlin stared after him. _He's so cute when he's awkward. Focus, Caitlin. Ice powers remember?_ The fact that Caitlin was going to confess her secret that she had kept for so long, overwhelmed her. Barry walked back with the drinks; two Flashes. Of course. He sat down and gave her her drink.

"One Flash for you, one Flash for me!" Barry said enthusiastically. _I wish the Flash was mine… Focus, Caitlin!_

"Barry, I need to talk to you. But it can't be here." Just thinking about what she had to say made her eyes start to water.

"Cait? Are you okay? Let's take these to go." Barry agreed. When no one was looking, Barry flashed them out of the restaurant and into Joe's house. He knew that would be the safest place to take Caitlin because Joe was on a case, and Iris was at work. Barry's concerned eyes made Caitlin break. He took down that one last layer of ice that she held up as her wall. No one was ever able to infiltrate that part of her. Not Ronnie, not Jay, no one. Only Barry. She felt safe in his presence, and not because he was a superhero. She felt safe because he gave her a sense of security, and normalcy. He was warm. He got in between all the nooks and crannies of her impenetrable fortress and slowly began to melt the ice. When she was with Barry, she felt hope, happiness, and excitement all at the same time. Here he was doing it to the last wall of her heart without even breaking a sweat. She inwardly cursed herself because Barry broke her down by just _looking at her_.

Time seemed to move in slow motion for her. Ironic, considering she was with the fastest man alive. She tried, she really did to keep herself together, but the moment Barry looked at her with those concerned eyes and asked her if she was okay, she broke. Shattered actually, the same way ice does.

"Barry… I… I have Killer Frost's powers. I almost killed someone." There it was, out in the open, changing everything with 10 simple words.


	4. Chapter 4

_"_ _Barry… I… I have Killer Frost's powers. I almost killed someone."_

Caitlin couldn't keep her eyes away from Barry. She was wincing, waiting for his reaction. Waiting to see the hate in his eyes for her. Waiting for the lecture that she should have told him sooner. Waiting for him to be angry. Waiting for him to say something, _anything._ But Barry did nothing. He looked frozen in his spot, and Caitlin could not decipher his thoughts. She had no idea what he was thinking. They sat there in Joe's house on his couch. Time crawled by like a turtle trying to get through a field of molasses. Caitlin didn't know what to do, so she got up, and proceeded to exit the West household, silently begging Barry to stop her and tell her it was going to be okay. He didn't. With every step she took, those perfectly melted walls started to build themselves up again, with more protection and ammunition to shut everyone out like never before. She opened the door and nearly knocked over Iris, who apparently was just getting home from work.

"Hey, Caitlin! Funny to see you here! Is Barry inside?" Iris' bubbly personality oozed into every aspect of her life, and Caitlin was extremely envious that Iris could feel all of this happiness while she got the short end of the stick. It took all Caitlin had to keep it together in front of Iris.

"Yeah, Barry's inside." She practically whispered.

"Thanks, girly! See you later!" Iris said cheerfully. And with that, Caitlin left. She still didn't know any of Barry's emotions on this topic, but Iris was with him now. He could tell her about how Caitlin was a crazy freak who nearly murdered a man. _Barry wouldn't do that…_ As she was leaving she heard Iris' voice from behind the door, "Barry? What happened?" Caitlin couldn't bear to listen to Barry tell her about what she had told him, so she ran. She ran and didn't stop until she reached her apartment, which was quite a good distance away from Joe's house.

Caitlin made her way to her apartment, opened the door and slid down on that side of the door frame. She wasn't inwardly cursing herself right now, instead, it was full on self-loathing, screaming at herself out loud for the neighbors to hear. "I KNEW IT. I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD HIM ANYTHING. NOW HE HATES ME. Why did I listen to Cisco?! Barry hates me. I'll _never_ have a chance with him now. Why did I even bother?" In Caitlin's mental breakdown, she didn't realize this, but she was slowly growing more blonde strands of hair with every tear. She was becoming increasingly cold, figuratively and literally. She ran into her bed and decided to never come out. This was one of Caitlin's worst fears surfacing and it wasn't a nightmare, it was life. She was silent now, trying to fall asleep but one thing, one sentence rather, kept her from succumbing to slumber.

 _"_ _C-cait? Y-you a-ar-e a m-m-onster-r."_

And with that thought plaguing her, she almost wished Zoom was terrorizing her thoughts, because at least then she could tell herself that Zoom could never get her ever again; he was dead. But with this, _this_ was real. Barry didn't have to say anything for her to know that her worst fears and nightmares were confirmed. She told him, and he didn't say anything. Not even a facial reaction. He hated her so much, that he wouldn't even give her a reaction. Caitlin decided that maybe sleep wasn't the best idea, so she decided to blow off some steam. She got in her car and drove to S.T.A.R Labs. _Heck, it's 3 in the morning, no one is going to be there. I need to punch something, get this aggression out or something! Anything!_ Caitlin made her way into S.T.A.R Labs and froze because there in the Cortex was Barry. Pacing back and forth, talking to himself. There was almost no light on except for the moonlight lighting up the room.

"Barry, you idiot! Now she isn't going to trust you ever again. You should have said something! She's probably sitting there in her apartment cursing herself, wondering what she did wrong. This is all my fault!" How was it that Barry knew her so dang well? He knew exactly what she was doing. Caitlin didn't know if she should reveal herself, or let him keep going. If she was being honest, she kind of wanted to see him squirm a little after the torture he put her through. So, she sat and watched him think himself into a frenzy. _Why do I still freaking like him? Why do I feel bad for him right now? I should be angry. I am angry!_ Caitlin tried to convince herself that she hated Barry, but as much as she tried, his puppy dog face kept resurfacing in her brain and she was rendered helpless. He stopped pacing and for a second she thought she had been made. But she hadn't. Instead, Barry sat down on the floor of the Cortex and began to cry. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Barry…" She whispered. Barry's bloodshot eyes flew up to see her standing there, tears streaming down her face. Caitlin tried to stay angry, she really did, but as soon as she saw the pure and unadulterated heartbreak in Barry's eyes she couldn't stay angry anymore. _Why is it that I fall for him every single time I see him? What is it about his beautiful green eyes that make me weak? I just want to hate him for once! I want to tell him that I hate him with Iris, I hate that he leaves me to worry every time he goes to fight a metahuman, I hate the way I don't hate him, not even a little bit. Not even at all._

"Cait?" She didn't miss the way Barry's voice cracked, utterly defeated. She took a step forward out of the shadows.

"How long were you standing there?" Barry whispered.

"Long enough. Barry, I-," She didn't really have time to say anything because Barry picked himself off the ground and gave her probably the best hug she had ever received. He cradled her head in his hands and began whispering apologies into her hair. She didn't know how long they stood there for, all she knew is that neither person was willing to let go of the other. She rubbed soothing circles into his back, and let him just hold her. The way he wrapped his arms around her, made her feel like she was snuggled up in the most comfortable blanket ever. This was the security she loved. She loved the warm feeling he gave her. Caitlin was the one to pull away after who knows how long. He still was holding her, though, and there were only a few inches of space between them. For once they noticed just how close they were and did nothing. Barry looked at her lips then looked her directly in her brown eyes. Caitlin bit her bottom lip and stared right back at him. With the moonlight cascading down on them, it was the perfect moment, but like always, Caitlin ruined it. She would have given in. She really would have, if it weren't for Iris. Barry seemed to realize it as well when Caitlin broke eye contact.

"Cait, I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I-I should have stopped you from leaving. I should have told you it was okay. I'm sorry. Can you forgive me? I don't think I could live with the wrath of Caitlin Snow on my back." Barry said, very seriously.

"Barry. I forgive you. And I'm sorry too, I should have told you guys earlier. I just was turning into… _her_. And I didn't want you to think that I was a monster. I just wanted one piece of your life to stay the same after Flashpoint. You said that I was the only one who hadn't changed, and I wanted you to continue to believe it. I'm sorry I lied to you. Then I went to see my mom, and I was filled with so much anger and pain and guilt that I didn't know what to do." Caitlin admitted. They sat on the floor of the Cortex now, she was leaning against the desk that they often communicated to Barry when he was on a mission, and Barry was sitting next to her, absentmindedly tracing circles on her hand with his thumb.

"I know that I should have spoken up as soon as I almost killed this man, Nigel, but I was honestly petrified of what you were going to think…" Caitlin added dejectedly. Barry kind of perked up at that and turned to face her.

"Caitlin we all make mistakes; you have these powers and the inner desire came out. We _will_ find a way for you to stop it. For you to fight your urges to, well, whatever it is you do. The most important thing is that you did not kill him. You are not a killer, whether you have Killer Frost's powers or not. Say it with me, I am not a killer." And she did. She repeated it over and over until she almost believed it herself.

They talked until Caitlin fell asleep on Barry's shoulder. He couldn't help but notice that Caitlin had the cutest little quirks when she slept. Her nose twitched a little bit every so often and whenever Barry tried to move, she would latch on to him and whisper "Stay." And stay he did. He fell asleep with her against him and a smile on his face.

.

.

.

.

Cisco walked into the Cortex with a coffee in his hand. He wanted to get there early to survey the city to make sure everything was A-OK in Central City. He sat down at the desk in the middle of the room and honestly didn't notice the two sleeping scientists until he heard a small murmur of contentment out of one of them. Carefully, Cisco made his way to the front of the desk, and there was Dr. Caitlin Snow snuggled up against a Mr. Barry Allen, limbs entangled and her face on his chest. Barry was holding her in his arms and had a smile on his face. " _Now this is the perfect opportunity to create blackmail. Both look so content!"_ Cisco thought devilishly as he took out his phone and snapped a picture of the two. _"Hmm, but the question is, should I wake them up, or should I let them wake up on their own? I think waking them up would be totally more fun!"_ Cisco leaned down in their faces and yelled,

"METAHUMAN ALERT WAKE UP!" The scene that unfolded after that was totally worth it. Caitlin yelped and threw herself away from Barry, and poor half asleep Barry tried to speed to his feet but ended up tripping over Caitlin who was still sprawled on the floor. Both of their faces were red, and they looked like two toddlers who got caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Cisco took another look at them trying to detangle themselves from each other and just laughed.

"So, you two, the next time you want to cuddle, please do it at your apartments, because I don't need to see that as my first sight in the morning," Cisco fake scolded.

"Cuddling? No, I-I was just trying to accurately measure Barry's heart rate at a close distance, right Barry?" Caitlin stammered.

"R-right Cait! The monitors weren't working effectively, so you needed to hear with your own ears. No cuddling was involved at all; Cisco I don't know what you're talking about!" Barry rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Cisco pulled out his phone to show them the picture he had of them snuggled up against each other.

"Yeah? Well for some reason this picture begs to differ." Cisco snorted. If it was at all possible, their faces became even redder.

"Can we just forget that this ever happened, and move on with our lives? Now Cisco, you had a metahuman alert?" Caitlin said, trying to be the adult. If she wasn't mistaken, she thought she saw a hint of disappointment on Barry's face at the mentioning of forgetting their cuddling session, _and the best night's sleep I've ever had; no nightmares._ She shook it away because Barry doesn't like her like that. Iris still exists. The love of his life.

"There was no alert, I just wanted to make you guys squirm!" Cisco said, clearly proud of himself. Barry glanced down at his phone, to see 5 missed calls from Iris and 2 texts.

"Oh, crap! I've missed 5 calls from Iris! She's probably going crazy because I ran out of the house yesterday and never came home. Hold on guys!" Barry said. "Iris? No, wait listen! I'm safe, I'm at S.T.A.R Labs! I'm sorry, I was just dealing with something that I needed to process. I'm sorry! Babe, I'm here. Call off the search party. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you! Okay, I'll see you at home. Love you too, bye." And with that, Barry rushed out of the Cortex. That phone call was enough to let Caitlin know where Barry stood. _Did I totally misinterpret last night? Of course, I did! Why did I even bother?_ Caitlin was slowly becoming infuriated at herself. The strands of blonde hair were now becoming thick portions of her hair.

"Uh, Caitlin? Your hair is starting to become blonde… Don't go all Killer Frost on me now." Cisco said nervously.

" _Caitlin_? I always hated that name, don't you ever call me that again." Killer Frost was now in control of Caitlin. She couldn't stop herself from becoming violent. Caitlin could see everything Killer Frost was doing and hear what she's saying but she couldn't stop it. Killer Frost started to shoot icicles of death at Cisco, who luckily was quick enough to jump out of the way.

"Come over here, Cisco. I won't hurt you." Killer Frost said with venom dripping from her voice.

"Cait, this isn't you! You aren't a monster!" Cisco cried, desperately trying to reach the Caitlin he knew to still be in there somewhere.

 _Monster…_

That word triggered a flashback to her dream and her killing Barry, and immediately Killer Frost vanished from their presence. Caitlin crumpled to the ground and apologized profusely to Cisco, who surprisingly remained calm. Cisco held Caitlin protectively, trying to shoo all of her demons away. Caitlin was like a sister to him, and he hated to see her this upset, especially when she couldn't control her outbursts.

"Caitlin, we are going to figure out what's wrong with you okay?" Cisco cooed.

"I think I know what triggers it… My anger. I heard Barry tell Iris that he loved her like any normal boyfriend would, and then jealousy and self-hatred started festering in my heart. Then, then, _she_ came out to play." Caitlin confessed.

"Why do you think you were jealous?" Cisco asked, already knowing the answer. Her eyes shot up to meet Cisco's.

"Because… because I think I've fallen in love with Barry. And it sucks because I don't have a claim to him, we don't even have a 'thing'. I mean for goodness sakes he's dating another person. I have no right to be jealous." Her eyes were now pooling with tears, threatening to spill over. Cisco just let her sit there on the floor with him, and he listened. Didn't say a word. Neither person knew that the speedster in question was standing at the entrance of the Cortex, shocked at what he just heard. Barry had rushed back to the Cortex to tell them that he was going to get some pizza in Coast City and to see if anyone wanted anything. For some reason, something was telling him to walk into the Cortex, and it's a good thing he did, or he wouldn't have heard the most shocking conversation of his life. Barry slowly backed away from the entrance and then ran, ran as fast as he could to anywhere. But not even the fastest man alive can outrun the truth.


	5. Chapter 5

**Barry's** **POV**

Barry ran as fast as he could to anywhere really, he need some space and time to think about what the heck just happened. _Caitlin is in love with me? I can't believe I didn't notice before. It all makes so much sense now. The lingering gazes, touches that last a little too long, and the times I've caught her checking me out. It makes total sense that she didn't want to tell me about Flashpoint. Cait isn't very good at sharing her feelings. Especially to people she likes. Why do I feel like I'm relieved? I don't like her like that, do I? I'm with Iris, and she is the love of my life… right? I mean last night, however, was the best night's sleep I've ever had, and the moonlight made Caitlin look so… attractive. Well, she is an attractive person, sweet and caring, and sometimes a little shy, but that's what makes her Cait._ Barry hadn't realized it, but he has had Caitlin on his mind for a long time. Before Flashpoint, and before Zoom. He unconsciously thought about her. Sometimes those pesky little thoughts would catch him off guard like when Caitlin's hands are on his skin, doing her examination for injuries, he would think about how cute she was when she bit her bottom lip when she found an injury, and how her eyes would crinkle up in worry. He wishes that he could just reach up and smooth out her creases and have Caitlin relax into his touch. But then when he realizes what he's thinking, he immediately shuts those thoughts down, because he is supposed to be in love with Iris.

 _Iris._

It's funny how names can change. How one day to Barry that name meant his true love, and the next it's the name of his friend. Barry was surprised, to say the least when Iris recently confronted him about her liking him back. He welcomed her love with open arms, but never stopped to think about the girl he had unconsciously fallen for. The one girl who knew about _everything_ in his life.

Barry shook his head at all of the complicated thoughts in his life. On top of dealing with metahumans, he now is stuck in a love triangle. _I don't like Caitlin like that? Do I? I mean we don't have any chemistry, do we? We would never work out._ However, something was telling him he was lying to himself. Barry decided to not decide between his friends and potential love interests. Instead, he was going to see if he felt anything for Caitlin by putting himself in the crosshairs, and just noticing all her little quirks. Just thinking about doing that made him blush. He kept running because somehow, he felt like he was running away from this whole situation, even though he knew that he really wasn't. He stopped when his phone beeped, it was Cisco letting him know that there was a metahuman alert. He rushed to the lab immediately. He loved the fact that he could speed the way he did, it made him feel powerful like he could make a difference. The feeling of the wind blowing through his hair made him feel purely untouchable.

With a burst of wind, Barry was now in the Cortex, trying to suppress Caitlin's confession in his mind, trying oh so desperately to seem unaffected by what she said about him.

"What's the situation guys?" Barry asked, glancing at Caitlin. Caitlin, who normally smiles at his subtle glances, and his conversation was ironically cold as ice. She ignored the warm glance he shot her, and let Cisco answer. _What did I do? Did I do something to hurt her?_

"Well, there is a girl named Johanna Rink running around Central City robbing banks and killing people, ya know, the usual. But her power is quite interesting, she can see into your brain's thoughts and use them all against you. Basically, controlling your mind with them. So, Barry you can't let her see you, she could reveal your secret identity." Cisco said. Barry was only half listening because he was staring at Caitlin, noticing all the different curves of her body for the first time. _Has she always been this… attractive? I wonder if she's okay? I hope I didn't do anything to her._

"Barry, it's imperative that you can't let her make eye contact with you. Once she locks eyes, she can control you." Caitlin added. At the sound of Caitlin's voice, Barry began to listen to the description of the meta.

"So, she's like Rosa, the girl that can give people crippling vertigo?" Barry asked, trying to form a game plan in his head, and trying to stop thinking about Caitlin's revelation.

"Yeah, in the sense that eye contact gives her control," Caitlin answered. Barry looked at his team in the Cortex. Wally and Iris were standing back because they really didn't have any input for his situation, and he genuinely felt bad for them because Wally wanted his powers so bad and he was helpless. And Iris, well, she never had powers in Flashpoint, and she told him that she felt pretty useless on the team. Barry felt the need to always ask for their opinions on things because they were his family and he loved them.

"Iris, Wally, do you guys have any ideas on how I can beat this meta?" Barry inquired. Both shook their heads, no and it made Barry feel even worse about their lack of being able to contribute. Then Wally decided to pipe up.

"Barry, what if there was a way for you to avoid looking at her?" Wally started. Everyone leaned closer to listen to Wally's idea. "Well, you know how Cisco's Vibe glasses are pitch black? We could build glasses that counteract the effect of her gaze either back onto herself, or in a way to where her gaze can't penetrate them." He added.

"Wally that's a great idea! I have several ways we could go about building them." Cisco remarked cheerfully and dragged Wally and H.R into his lab to start the building process. That left him, Joe, Iris, and Caitlin.

"Hey Bar, I just got a call from Singh, he needs me to go and follow up on a lead for one of the human husks Julian found," Joe said and quickly exited. _Scratch that, now just me and the girls… Great…_

"Barry, can I talk to you?" Iris whispered, almost as if she didn't want Caitlin to hear. He watched Caitlin get the hint and curtly walk out of the room. Iris's eyes followed Caitlin until she was out of the Cortex.

"Yeah, what's up?" Barry asked. He found himself wishing that Caitlin was the one who was here, and not Iris. That thought bothered him to no end. He shouldn't be thinking about Caitlin like that. Caitlin is his friend, and friend only.

"You seemed a little off in there." Iris began, almost suspicious like she could see right through him.

"M-me? No, I'm perfectly fine Iris! I just want to stop the meta!" Barry couldn't help but glancing in the direction Caitlin had just left in.

"Really? What's the meta's name?" Iris said, knowing she had him in a corner. Still, Barry tried to BS his way through it. _Frick! It started with a J right? Jo? Jordan? Jamie? What is it?!_

"Uh, Jordan?" Barry spluttered out.

"Nice try, Barry. Her name is Johanna. I knew it! What is going on with you? Ever since you ran out of the house on me yesterday, you've been acting so different! What happened? And don't you dare lie to me Bartholomew Henry Allen, or so help me." Barry knew when to admit defeat, however, he didn't want to reveal Caitlin's secret because it was hers to tell. He was utterly torn.

"Well, Caitlin told me something extremely shocking about herself, and I didn't know how to process it, and I went for a run, trying to escape what she told me and I-I ended up coming off like a real jerk, and went and apologized to her. That's it." He purposely left out a few minor details, how they met each other at S.T.A.R Labs and comforted each other like a _couple_ would, and fell asleep on each other, and how he found out that Caitlin loves him. Oh, yeah and of course how Caitlin has ice powers. Barry's eyes began to tear up a little at how much of a jerk he was, and how broken Caitlin looked standing there in the Cortex last night, both so full of bottled up emotions and pain. Clearly, that wasn't the answer Iris was expecting because her eyes immediately softened at Barry's teary ones.

"Oh man Bar, I'm so sorry, I had no idea. Are you okay?" Iris comforted. Barry couldn't quell this feeling in the pit of his stomach that Iris hugging him felt wrong. That he wished a certain brunette scientist was holding him, and wiping away his tears instead. _Why am I feeling like this? I'm in the arms of my girlfriend and I don't feel safe and warm. Not like I did when I held Cait last night. What is happening to me? I finally have the girl of my dreams, and now I don't like her as much as I used to. Why is it that Caitlin's soft brown eyes are occupying my thoughts? Why oh, why did I almost kiss her last night? I felt this electricity all over my skin, and maybe we do have chemistry? I don't know! This is so confusing! I wish there was a way to know if Caitlin and I could ever work. I wish- Cisco! He could Vibe me! I could see if we could work! Screw that future newspaper. Nothing is ever set in stone!_

"Hey Bar, I need to go to work, I'll see you for dinner tonight." Iris made it sound like a question, to see if Barry was going to be there.

"Yeah, I'll try to make it." He smiled as Iris left the room. _Now to find Caitlin…_ Barry ran throughout the building searching for Caitlin and slowed when he found her sitting on his treadmill, tracing the pattern on the rim with her finger. He watched as Caitlin's eyes slowly traveled upward to meet his, and she smiled for a second, then it was as if she remembered she was supposed to be upset with him and immediately turned her face into a frown.

"H-hey Barry. You and Iris okay?" She asked. He completely ignored her question and confronted her with the obvious.

"What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in any way?" Barry put bluntly. Caitlin's eyes widened a little at the bluntness of Barry's straight-forward question. He could tell by looking at her that she was debating on saying she's fine, and telling him the truth.

"Don't lie to me Cait, I think I know by now when you're lying or not." He added. He saw Caitlin seem a little surprised, but then she began to speak.

"Barry I-," She was cut off by Cisco's voice over the PA.

"Hey, Barry, Caitlin, Rink is currently in the process of robbing Central Bank. Come into the Cortex and I'll give you the glasses."

"This discussion isn't over Dr. Snow," Barry said, frustrated that the meta, of course, picked right this moment to rob a bank. And with that, he picked her up and rushed them into the Cortex. Cisco explained how the makeshift glasses worked, and Barry put them on and ran into battle with Johanna.

"Barry, Johanna is in the safe, 500 feet to your right. She still needs a name… How about 'Brain Boggler'? I mean, ya know cause she is telekinetic and can control people's brains?" He heard Cisco say over the coms.

"Sounds good to me!" Barry said as he ran into the bank. He approached 'Brain Boggler' which apparently was now her moniker and caught her off guard.

"Johanna Rink. We can help you! Stop doing this!" Barry yelled at the perpetrator.

She turned around and without saying a word, a brick of money flew across the room and nailed Barry in the gut. He sped around to fight her but she kept throwing things at him, money, safety deposit boxes, you name it.

"Flash, I've been _dying_ to know the man under the mask, so let's find out, shall we?" Brain Boggler forced the safe door shut and locked it with her mind, so neither could escape. She tried to catch Barry's eyes, but she soon realized that the Flash doesn't wear glasses so it became clear her next move. She used her telekinetic powers to pull the glasses off Barry and he ducked his head down trying to speed punch her. He had knocked her on the ground trying to knock her out, but Brain Boggler didn't give up that easily. She lifted her hand and a safety deposit box flew forward and hit him in the back of the head, knocking him off balance. She had him now! Barry struggled to regain his balance, but the second he opened his eyes, something came over him. He can feel her inside of his thoughts.

"Guys! She knocked the glasses off, she's in my thoughts. I can see her in my thoughts. What do I do?" Barry yelled through the coms. He didn't hear a response because Brain Boggler had him pinned up against a wall with an invisible force holding him in place. He watched on as Brain Boggler stepped into his mind and started to go through his thoughts and torturing him with them.

"Hmm, I thought it would be fun to unmask you, Flash, but I could always just go kill off everyone you love. Like this one here, Dr. Caitlin Snow. You care an awful lot about her don't you, Flash? Have a little crush, don't we?" Under different circumstances, Barry would have blushed or laughed it off, but he was currently facing a meta that could control his thoughts. "She'll be the first to die."

"Ooh, or what about Joe West, your makeshift dad?" Brain Boggler taunted.

"You touch them, and I swear I will make you regret that you ever stepped foot into Central Cit-," Barry suddenly couldn't speak, she was choking him! He could faintly hear Cisco and Caitlin screaming his name in his ear.

"Now, now Flash, you can't expect me to listen to your empty threats. Now are you going to shut up so I can tell you who I'm going to kill?" Barry nodded, he was helpless and she released the tension on his neck and continued with her speech.

"Listen here, I'll unmask you soon enough. I'll start by killing everyone you love, then when I'm done, I'll tell the world that the Flash is Barry Allen. You won't be able to outrun this hell that is coming Flash, or should I say, _Barry_? And if you try to save them, I'll let every metahuman in town know exactly who you are Barry." She threatened. The only emotion coursing through Barry's veins was anger, seething, fury filled anger. He began to vibrate at a faster speed than he has ever gone before. _She is NOT going to kill Caitlin, and everyone else that I love, she isn't. I can do this, c'mon Barry, you can do this!_

The meta was taken off guard by Barry's sudden ability to fight against her telekinetic force. She put all of her force into pressing him against the wall of the bank's metallic safe. Barry was not backing down, you almost couldn't make out his body anymore it was vibrating so fast. It was almost like the threat of Caitlin's life being taken from him was enough to give him the strength to fight through this force that was weighing him down. The meta was losing her grip on holding the speedster in place so she tried to throw more objects at Barry to subdue his power. He couldn't be quelled. The objects bounced off him and hit Brain Boggler in the face, proceeding her to fall over and release Barry. Barry could feel the metallic taste of blood and sweat dripping in his mouth and he felt dizzy from vibrating at such high speeds. The red sticky liquid stained his forehead, the safety deposit box nailed him in the head and the blood was gushing out now. He phased through the safe door with the meta in tow and proceeded to run to S.T.A.R Labs.

"Cisco… Pipeline…" Were his only words as he dropped to the ground in the Cortex with the meta in his arms. All he heard were screams of "Barry" and he watched a frantic Caitlin rush to his side preparing him for medical care. He assumed they put the meta away, and the last thing he saw before the blackness overpowered him were Caitlin's beautiful brown eyes furrowed in worry and anxiety, tearing up. He had never seen anything more beautiful.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey guys, I had been having some serious writer's block lately, and I realized halfway through this story that I never mentioned Alchemy, when I probably could have mentioned The Rival, Magenta and Shade, instead of making up my own metahuman. I hope it doesn't seem rushed, I really wanted to incorporate the team finally finding out about her powers, and the prelude of her going all Killer Frost. (Btw, my favorite episode of this season! And hey, I'm a sucker for anything with Danielle Panabaker. She's so talented!) I hope you guys enjoy chapter 6 of Layers of Ice. If you have any suggestions, please let me know, as I have writer's block a lot. Thanks!**

 **Barry's POV**

Barry woke up several hours later with a jolt. Sweat was clinging to his clothes and he felt tense. Then he saw Caitlin sitting next to him, holding his hand, looking fairly startled herself and immediately relaxed into her touch.

"Barry! Guys, he's awake!" Caitlin yelled with relief in her voice. Iris was the first to rush in with the rest of the team following close behind. Caitlin yanked her hand away from Barry sheepishly, and Iris gave Barry a bear hug and didn't let go for a few minutes. Barry felt bad that he had scared the people he cares about so badly. Everyone else gave him a hug and he began to heal. He no longer felt Caitlin's cold hand in his, reassuring him that he's safe and away from Brain Boggler. He could smell Iris's perfume and it reminded him of a family. He was surrounded by everyone that he loves. _And people he may or may not have a crush on._

 **Caitlin's POV**

Caitlin sat there and refused to leave Barry's side after his encounter with Brain Boggler. Had Caitlin heard the meta right? Did she say that Barry had a crush on her? She noticed the way Barry's body visibly tensed up after she said her name, and how she was going to be the first to die. Sometimes Caitlin wished she was dead, just so that way she couldn't hurt anyone else with these horrible powers. A gift Cisco called them. Some gift. She watched Barry's unconscious body for hours because it gave her some sense of peace, a distraction away from her icy "gift". _I wish he would wake up… I miss the way he smiles, especially when he figures out a plan to stop the latest meta. He fills me up with hope in places I didn't know existed. Barry Allen, my endless reservoir of hope._ Caitlin caressed Barry's hand gently with her thumb, trying not to think about if he never woke up, _there would be no one to stop me from becoming… her._ Caitlin didn't have to wait much longer. Barry jolted forward as if he had just been shocked to life. Although sweaty and confused, Caitlin thought he looked adorable, looking around for his bearings, but then he saw Caitlin. Caitlin wasn't exactly sure how to feel about the way that he looked at her in that moment. It was as if Barry was a raging storm and Caitlin was his shelter, his anchor, his safe haven. He squeezed Caitlin's freezing cold hand and relaxed immediately into her touch. They stared into each other's eyes, trying to decipher the riddle that was their relationship with a series of looks. Caitlin thought of Iris, and everyone else and called them into his room.

"Barry! Guys, he's awake!" The rest of the team bounced in the room, and whatever moment of intensity they had shared was gone. She wished that she could be good enough for Barry. She chewed her bottom lip mindlessly as she watched their team fawn over Barry and the fact that he was alive. She didn't miss the way Iris was the first one to hug him and give him a quick kiss on the lips to show her gratitude for his safety. _I wonder what it would be like to kiss Barry… the real Barry. His lips are probably soft and warm, I just- Caitlin, do you see him kissing Iris? That is his GIRLFRIEND. Get over yourself, seriously, you're pathetic. Barry would never want to be with you, he has his happy ending, Iris…_

"Caitlin, thank you so much for saving his life, you don't know how much he means to me," Iris said, with several unshed tears shining in her eyes. _Oh, Iris, I think I do know…_

"You're welcome, I mean we all helped get him into the med-bay. I only hooked him up to the IV." Caitlin said nonchalantly. She watched on as Barry was talking about the meta, perfect time to slip out unnoticed. And she did. She left the med-bay and walked towards the pipeline. She decided that this would be the perfect time to feed the metas that were locked up in there, so she started with the newest one, Brain Boggler.

"Here's some food for you," Caitlin said quietly, transporting the food into the meta's cell. She felt uncomfortable as the meta looked her up and down like she was a piece of meat. Her hazel eyes glared at Caitlin but found themselves forming a smirk.

"So, you're Caitlin Snow, hmm?" The meta asked, already knowing the answer. Caitlin thought it'd be best to ignore her. "He likes you a lot you know. That's why I wanted to kill you, see the Flash become crippled without his girl." She wanted to correct Brain Boggler, tell her that she wasn't the Flash's girl but Caitlin didn't want to give the meta any satisfaction of winning her curiosity, so she was getting ready to shut the gate again and be alone to deal with her soul-crushing thoughts when she stopped.

"Johanna, how did you get your powers?" Clearly, that wasn't the question Brain Boggler was expecting. The ever snarky meta stopped smirking, and for a split second, the meta's eyes showed remorse, hurt, and betrayal.

" _Alchemy."_ Although Caitlin didn't realize it yet, a plan was already festering in her heart. A plan that will get rid of her powers permanently.

.

.

.

They began to deal with more and more cases of Alchemy, excuse me Dr. Alchemy, (according to Cisco) involved metas were showing up more frequently. The Rival, Magenta, and now Wally were beginning to get these dreams of him being the Flash. Barry constantly ran around with this huge worried look on his face, like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. Caitlin hated seeing him like that.

Caitlin was sitting in the Cortex, working on a way to see if she could get rid of her powers for good, to no avail. They were _supposed_ to be helping Wally. They were _supposed_ to be preventing Dr. Alchemy from beckoning him. But did Caitlin care? Not as much as she would have liked to. There was a time where Dr. Caitlin Snow would have done anything for her friends, but after these powers manifested, she couldn't unlock the compassion in her heart. It was frozen solid. Cisco thought that maybe designing power-dampening cuffs, would subdue her power and other potential metahuman's powers as well. She jumped at the opportunity to put them on. She thought that if the power was being suppressed, they'd be pretty much gone. Boy, was she wrong. It made the desire to use her powers multiply tenfold. There was a time when Caitlin Snow had compassion, but now she's just an empty shell of her former self.

Caitlin glanced down at the cuffs that were currently hiding underneath the covering of her lab coat. _Maybe if I just slipped them off for a second and froze something, I'd feel better. No Caitlin, you do that, you unleash the Killer Frost inside of you. You can't._ She thought that she could go through the rest of her days without the whole of Team Flash knowing, but of course, that's never how it works.

They all had been planning a way to trap Dr. Alchemy with the new information of Wally getting dreams when H.R piped up.

"Hey, hey, hey Cisco! Aren't those your metahuman cuffs? They went missing after we caught Shade. Why does Caitlin have them on?" Caitlin's shocked eyes flew over to H.R's careless figure, and her jaw went slack. The whole team was there, Iris, Joe, and Wally too.

"Yes Caitlin, why do have on Cisco's metahuman cuffs? I may not be a scientist, but I do know what those cuffs do." Joe questioned. This was _not_ happening. Of all the people to out her most closely guarded secret, it had to be H.R. Great. _Are you joking me? H.R, I see why Cisco hates you! Oh my gosh, I can't believe this. Everyone knows now. I need to run._ She was gonna bolt out of there, but Barry and Cisco's warm eyes and supportive faces made her stay.

"I, um, have powers," Caitlin admitted. (Although she would never say it aloud, it felt great finally getting that off of her chest.)

"What _kind_ of powers…?" Iris asked tentatively. Caitlin grimaced as she knew that the revelation of her having the same powers as Killer Frost was going to probably change the way the team looked at her forever. With pity. Caitlin detested being pitied. She'd rather have a bowl of nails for breakfast sitting with the Trickster than be pitied.

"The cold kind…" Caitlin slipped off the cuffs and let her hands crystallize up and the white frost was emanating from her hands. The newly informed people couldn't look away from her hands. It made her feel like she was an animal in a zoo. She slipped the cuffs back on and her power ceased immediately.

"Why didn't you tell us earlier?!" Iris said, almost sounding irritated, but tried to keep her cool.

"I didn't know how to…" Caitlin looked at her shoes. "I-I need to leave, excuse me."

She left the Cortex leaving 4 bewildered people behind to figure out how to process this new information. She entered her lab and sat down in a chair, she was going to cry, but no tears came out. _This is why I didn't want them to know. They looked at me like I was some animal! Like an evil metahuman, that should be locked away in Iron Heights. Maybe I should be locked away, I don't deserve to be here. They don't need me, I'm just a doctor. They can replace me, no biggie and-_

"Cait?" Barry's voice stopped her self-loathing. "Cait? Are you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." _No, I'm not._

"Cait, I should have told you this the night when we were both at S.T.A.R Labs, but I'm sorry." Barry began.

"You did apologize, Barry, it's okay."

"No, but not for this reason. I created Flashpoint. I created this universe, and in the other universe, Dante was alive, you were normal Caitlin Snow, there was no Alchemy or Kid Flash. I'm sorry I destroyed your lives. I'm sorry Caitlin." Barry confessed. Caitlin, the master of hiding her feelings, accepted Barry's apology to his face, hugged him and let him leave. She was utterly shell shocked. _He did this to us. Barry Allen, the one who's only pain he feels is his own. I need to get rid of these powers. I need Alchemy to take them away. Barry killed Dante, Barry gave me these powers, stupid Barry Allen, stupid selfish Barry Allen._ Caitlin's thoughts were being controlled by the one and only, Killer Frost. The void inside her soul. That part felt no emotion, just death. She wanted to see Barry's head on a platter.

But did she? The inner war between good and evil was taking its toll on Caitlin's soul. She tries fervently to escape the evil that kept trying to take over, and sometimes, she does. What she does to keep her human, is naming all of the good things in her life, and telling herself over and over again that people love her.

 _Think Caitlin, think! Cisco brings me joy, I love saving the day with Team Flash, my mom and I's relationship is on the road to recovery, I do not harm people, I help people. Felicity, good old Felicity is always willing to make me laugh, especially with stories about Oliver._

With these good thoughts swirling in her head, she managed to suppress her darkness, at least for now. She decided that she should head back into the Cortex and face the team she now calls family.

She was surprised, to say the least when Iris ran to give her a hug. They weren't very close, but this hug that Iris gave her, radiated warmth and comfort.

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted Caitlin, I was just surprised. We love you and we will find a way to help you." Iris sounded so confident that Caitlin actually believed her for a second. _Well, I definitely understand why Barry loves this girl. She so perfect and confident. I wish I could be more like her sometimes. I wish I wasn't constantly living in fear of killing someone._

"Thanks, Iris, it's okay." Iris squeezed her hand and caught her up on the plan to trap Dr. Alchemy.

.

.

.

It was a simple plan really, Wally would lure Dr. Alchemy by entering his dwelling, and when he gave the signal, Barry, Joe, and the S.W.A.T team were going to take Alchemy down.

Caitlin, Cisco, H.R, and Iris were sitting in the Cortex waiting to hear anxiously from Barry because they didn't have eyes on him inside of this abandoned warehouse that Dr. Alchemy decided to set up shop in. The computer started to come alive with different beeping noises.

"What's happening?" Iris asked, horrified.

"It looks like Barry's tracker is malfunctioning, this is showing him being all over the city at once, that's impossible! He can't be moving that fast." Cisco said.

"Well if he can't… maybe something else can." H.R said, with a somber tone in his voice, which was rare for him, considering he was mostly just a nuisance.

Barry tracker finally stopped at the Water Front. They could hear Barry's cries of pain as this, thing was ripping him apart. Caitlin's insides were being twisted in knots at just hearing the agonizing sounds of the man she loved being torn apart. She almost couldn't bear it, she wanted to leave the room, but she stayed with her feet firmly planted on the ground. _Oh, Barry. Please be okay. Please, please, please be okay. Don't you dare die on me, Barry Allen._

"Okay. We have to get to him." Iris stated, desperate to save Barry. She felt utterly helpless. Iris had no powers, she couldn't save him. Iris was shaken up pretty badly. With the revelation of Caitlin's powers and Barry now in the process of being brutally destroyed, she would do anything to get him back.

"And do what? He's fighting an invisible force that is way too fast for us to track Iris!" Cisco replied cynically.

Then H.R ever so brilliantly suggested in his own weird way that if Cisco and Caitlin were there, it's easier for Barry to beat this, well, thing. Whatever it was. Iris liked that plan. Caitlin, on the other hand, hated it. It had the potential to unleash every nightmare inside of her. She couldn't do it. She couldn't.

"Cisco, you can open a breach and get you both to the Water Front! Caitlin, you can freeze this monster!" Iris said hopefully.

"Guys, I can't do that. I can't. It's way too dangerous. The more I use my powers, the more likely it will be for them to be irreversible." Caitlin protested weakly. She was torn between saving herself or saving the man she loves. _I would never be able to live with myself knowing that Barry died and I could have prevented it. I need to risk this._ A little voice inside of her was egging her on, telling her to remove the cuffs. Release her powers.

"I'm begging you, please. It's Barry." Iris's voice was broken, she was helpless. She shared a look with Cisco, and hesitantly slipped off the cuffs. Caitlin couldn't help but feel anxiety at the removing of her cuffs. She hoped and prayed that saving Barry wouldn't unleash her darkness. She closed her eyes as her and Cisco stepped into the breach to save Barry.

When they got to the Water Front, all Caitlin could see was Barry being beaten to death by nothing. Caitlin's eyes started to tear up at the sight of Barry, so helpless against a force that was too strong, even for him. But where was it? She couldn't see it anywhere.

"I can't see it Cisco!" Caitlin screamed. Cisco yelled back for her to just shoot. Caitlin's heart was racing now, the adrenaline of everything was piling up in one big ice explosion. She aimed as best as she could, agonizing over trying not to hit Barry with her icy blast. Suddenly before her and Cisco's eyes was the frozen outline of a monstrous looking shape, at least 10 feet tall. The monster broke out of the shell of ice and ran off, leaving Barry's body on the ground. After Caitlin exerted herself, she felt much, much better, but for the wrong reasons. She felt powerful, she enjoyed the rush of hurting that monster. It was the sweet release of all this pent-up aggression that made her feel amazing. She didn't mention that to Barry or Cisco, however. She didn't need to. She watched as Cisco waddled over to Barry, to check if he was okay.

"I'm f-fine Cis-sco. Just c-cold." Barry shivered as snow rolled off his body. _Oh, man. I could have hit Barry. He's cold. Why does this remind me of that stupid dream?! He's stuttering Caitlin, the monster's icy hand was wrapped around his neck. Calm down, jeez._ Caitlin realized too late that what she just did couldn't be undone. She wasn't going to be able to reverse these urges that were surfacing more and more frequently. She couldn't do it. She enjoyed seeing people in pain and suffering at her hand. The inner war with herself was too much for her to handle. She could keep fighting, or succumb to the darkness and live in its void forever.

When they got back to the lab, no one noticed she didn't put the cuffs back on. No one noticed her eyes turn icy blue as she left the med-bay, diagnosing Cisco and Barry's condition. Nobody expected their Caitlin to turn into this monster. And she used it to her advantage. Used those thoughts of innocence to gain leverage on her friends. During Alchemy's take down, Joe had managed to catch an acolyte before Wally turned into some sort of a cocoon. She was going to pay him a visit, get some answers about Alchemy taking away her powers… **_Killer Frost style._**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys, this obviously isn't the full ep of Killer Frost, but I couldn't write anymore, I felt it appropriate to end the chapter here... For now. Sorry, it took so long to update, I just didn't have any ideas. I might go back through and change some things later. I haven't decided. Please review and let me know what you think!**

 ****UPDATE** I did go back and tweak the ending a little bit, because I thought the way I wrote the cold kiss was a little, well lack-luster. It is a bit different now, so enjoy the better version!**

She snuck quietly out of S.T.A.R Labs and made her way to the precinct where Joe was currently interrogating the acolyte. Muffled yells came from the other side of the door. Caitlin hesitated before pounding on the door. _Am I seriously about to go do this right now? Yes. You are going to go in there and get information on Alchemy, through whatever means possible._ Her eyes flashed blue, like Barry's eyes when attacked by Rainbow Raider. An overwhelming desire possessed her to be selfish and get rid of these powers, regardless of who she hurt/killed in the process.

"Go away!" She heard Joe yell from the other side of the door. Caitlin was going to leave, she really was, but her eyes flashed again and this time she knocked harder with more force. She could hear Joe stop doing what he was doing and move to open the door.

"Caitlin? Is everything okay?" _Shoot, what should I sa- hey I'll tell him Wally's okay. Family is Joe's biggest weakness. The Flash used to be mine. But not anymore, Killer Frost has no weaknesses._

"Um... It's Wally, He's out of that cocoon thing. You should go see him." Killer Frost said in true Caitlin fashion, biting her bottom lip, and furrowing her brows in sympathy. _I always was a pretty good liar._ Relief washed over Joe's face and for a split second, Caitlin almost felt bad about lying to Joe, but she remembered why she was here. To find Alchemy.

"Oh, thank God!" Joe moved out of the door and ran to go get his stuff to see his son. Caitlin shoved her foot in the door and slyly crept through the crack. She watched the acolyte's eyes staring at her, almost mocking her. Screaming "Oh, what's this little girl going to do?" Caitlin wasn't an idiot, she knew better than to run into a situation blind, I mean, that's what made Jesse lose focus when she went up against Rosa.

Caitlin scanned her surroundings, and lo and behold a security camera. She stood away from the camera and frosted it over. Now her evil ways of torture could come out.

"Where is Alchemy?" Her distorted voice rang out. The disciple looked her up and down and still, even after the freezing of the camera, undermined her.

"I'll never talk. You can't make me." _Oh, he wants to play this way huh? Fine. Let's play._ Caitlin let the frost flow out of her fingertips and formed icicle blades. With a sinister look in her eyes, she rammed an icicle through the man's hand. His delightful screams of pain filled the precinct, and Caitlin relished in the pure agony she was causing him.

"Now, let me try again… Where is ALCHEMY?!" Caitlin's voice dripped poison with each word she spoke.

She was going to kill him, but she heard banging at the door. _Oh, why does everybody always have to come and ruin my fun?_ Caitlin opened her mouth and breathed out a thick white fog into the air, making it impossible to see anything. She unlocked the door and quickly slid against the now frozen walls and escaped, watching the idiot cops go in trying to find out what was happening. _Seriously guys? You think I was dumb enough to hang around? No wonder the cops here can't beat metas._ Caitlin laughed internally and shut the door behind her, well, froze the door behind her. It's funny how she used to be afraid of the power she contained and the cold that came with it but not anymore. Right now there was no one that could stop her from this evil. No one. _It's like Jay said. I have an inner darkness and amazing evil things could happen when I unlocked it. For once I'll agree with that psychopath. The darkness feels so… freeing._

"Um, excuse me, what are you doing?" Caitlin's small victory was cut short by a blonde British man. _Well, this wasn't part of the plan, but I guess I could take him and get him to find the acolytes for me. Julian. Barry's partner. Barry._ Caitlin shook away that name. The name of a man that destroyed her life. She couldn't deal with him. She refused to let Barry be her weakness. She had no weaknesses! She is strong, sexy, cunning Killer Frost. And _Killer Frost_ does not let a name bother her. She raised a frosty hand and looked at Julian's frightened demeanor.

"I need you to come with me." Julian didn't take much convincing. She threatened to kill him a couple of times and shot icicles in his direction, but purposely missed, to instill fear. She loved seeing the look of pure terror on Julian's face. It made her feel stronger and powerful for once instead of constantly feeling so helpless all the time.

Caitlin dragged him into a car and forced him to drive to an abandoned frozen foods warehouse. It was still ice cold in there, enough to make her feel comfortable. Julian tried to put on a brave face, tried to keep talking to seem not frightened. But Caitlin knew he was. His fear radiated from him.

"Bit chilly in here isn't it?" Julian quipped. _Ugh, why can't he just shut up and find the acolytes? Can't he understand that I need them to lead me to Alchemy?_ She looked at him, eyes flashing blue.

"Shut up, I need to think." _Should I be doing this? Caitlin, you need to do this. Barry can't help you. You have to do it this way._

"You're, you're Allen's friend… Right?" _Hah! A friend is an understatement. I want him dead._ A small voice in the back of her head kept telling her that she didn't want Barry dead. But she stifled it, forced herself to think like a killer. Ironic considering she's never killed anyone before. "Dr. Snow?" He added cautiously.

"I said, be quiet!" She happened to fling her hand towards him and watch him visibly flinch at the motion of her hand towards him. For a second she felt guilty for making him this afraid of her, but at the same time, it felt so _good._

"Are you going to kill me?" Julian asked, wanting to know if his fear was going to be confirmed. Caitlin honestly didn't know if she was going to kill him or not. For a person being named Killer Frost, she sure had a hard time doing it. So she dodged the question and proceeded to press him to find Alchemy. The man, or whatever it was, that could take away her powers. For good.

"I need you to find Alchemy." Caitlin grabbed a laptop out of his bag and opened it.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Alchemy has disciples, followers, and I need you to create an algorithm that will allow you to search for anyone who has searched for any specific keywords in the last six months. That will lead me to them so they can take me to Alchemy." Caitlin explained as if it was common knowledge. She watched Julian hesitate as he sat down behind the computer.

"Um, "alchemy" is a pretty common phrase, it'll have hundreds of hits." Julian stammered, trying to delay the searching process.

"Then search for an uncommon one."

"Such as?"

"Savitar." Julian looked pale and froze up at the name of what she wanted to be searched. So, she motivated him. Caitlin grabbed his arm and began to let the frost do its worst. He screamed in pain, and agony flashed through his eyes.

"Get searching." Caitlin hissed as she released him from her torture.

Minutes passed by and Caitlin kept contemplating if this was the right thing to do, but every time that little voice was telling her it wasn't, the darkness swallowed up the little seeds of good that were still left and replaced them with the vicious cold that froze her soul.

Julian's computer beeped a few times, and to her luck, he had found two people who had searched for Alchemy and Savitar.

"Here are their addresses. W-what are you going to do to them?" Julian asked quietly. Caitlin honestly hadn't thought that far ahead yet. Then again, she hadn't really thought through most of this plan. She turned away from Julian and her Caitlin side broke free of the ice for a moment.

"What am I doing?" She whispered to herself. But it was too good to be true because the persistent clacking of computer keys behind her forced her back into the Killer Frost persona. _He's radioing for help. I can't get caught!_ Overcome with rage, Caitlin shot icicles through the computer and this time she was going to kill him. He was so irritating anyways. She let the frost swell up in her hands and she was getting ready to end Julian's life. She watched as he closed his eyes and braced for his impending death. It was an amazing feeling really, inflicting all of this pain. She stopped when that stupid red streak flew in front of Julian.

"Stop. You don't want to do this. You don't want to hurt anyone." Barry's broken, yet optimistic voice shone through and tried to penetrate Caitlin's walls like they always did. But not this time. This time they bounced off her icy exterior and fell flat. Julian kept making comments to the Flash, telling him to take Caitlin out. Telling him to get rid of her. Barry instead, to her surprise knocked him out instead and took a step closer to her. _Why is he doing this? He did this. He can't save me. The Flash can't save me._ Barry noticed that he wasn't convincing her. He took a step towards her.

"Caitlin…" Barry breathed out in warning.

"Leave me alone!" Caitlin screamed. _I can't take this anymore. I can't deal with this conflicted personality in my head. I can't keep flirting the line between good and evil. I can't. I just can't take this anymore._

"What are you doing?" He remained calm, opposite to her frenzied demeanor.

"I need to find Alchemy! I have to find him so he can take away my powers for good." Caitlin yelled at him. The look on Barry's face was sympathy and pity. Caitlin wanted to rip that look off his face and leave him on the ground bleeding out. She wanted him to suffer for what he did. But here he was. Still trying to melt the ice. Still trying to no avail.

"Cait, we don't know if it works that way." He said softly.

"You don't know if it doesn't." He reached out for Caitlin's ice cold hand trying to hold it like he did after he woke up from his fight against Brain Boggler. Barry thought that the moment he woke up, he immediately felt safe seeing Caitlin's face and relaxing because she was holding his hand. She backed away from him almost instantly like he was poisonous.

"Caitlin, I know that we love you… You and I, we've been through too much to let each other down now." _He's really trying to talk me down. He is. It's working. Why does he always do this to me? How does one man have this much effect on me?_

"I can fix this. I can help you!" Barry said, so sure of himself he even had a small smile on his face. _Fix this? Fix this?! HE created this mess! He can't escape this, he doesn't get a free pass. No way. This does not happen!_ Just when Barry thought he had won, Caitlin dropped a bomb on him.

"Like you _'helped'_ your mother?" She had him now. Any thought of optimism in his eyes had been stomped out and ripped to shreds. Barry pleaded with his eyes for her not to go there, but she did. If one good thing could come out of this, it's that everyone deserved to know the truth about Flashpoint. Especially Cisco. "You keep messing with everyone's lives, and we're left behind to pick up the pieces from _your_ mistakes. Some things you break, can't be put back together." She was destroying him. And she loved it. She was outing him to everyone because she knew that they were listening. She may not be causing any physical pain, but she was sure inflicting plenty of emotionally charged pain.

"I can fix _this_." Barry tried to keep his optimism that was fading away slowly, blow by blow that she threw at him, reminding him that he was the cause of her pain. He was the cause of Dante's death. He ruined _everything_.

"Oh yeah? You screwed Cisco's family the worst of all. But Cisco didn't ever find out about that, did he? You hear that Cisco? Dante was _alive_ before Barry messed with everything. So, you can thank him for 'fixing' your life!" Caitlin screamed into the air.

They only realized that the police were there when they heard guns cocking, getting ready to take her down. She felt Barry pick her up and take her away before she could retaliate against the police officers and drag her to a safe spot behind some boxes. Just then, Caitlin had a wonderful idea. Stab Barry to get away from everyone. So that's exactly what she did. Caitlin let and icicle emerge from her hand and she plunged it straight into Barry's triceps surae. His utterly shocked look was staring at her as she told him that it would take four hours to heal, so don't bother trying to follow her. She got up and ran away. The power surged through her as his pain-filled screams of her name echoed through the hall they were in. _I could have killed him. Why didn't I? Come on, you're supposed to be a killer. The next chance you get, you are going to kill Barry Allen. No matter what. Now, what were those addresses again?_

.

.

.

Caitlin silently broke into one of the follower's house and began to do what she does best, freeze. She let her full power ice up and let the cold frost emanate from her as the temperature in the house slowly went down to freezing, just by her being there. She watched from the shadows as the man she was hunting came out of his room to check the thermostat. She watched as the man whipping around in fear and confusion as Caitlin's icicle shattered the thermostat into tiny little pieces. Caitlin figured the only way to get this disciple to understand just what she wanted, she'd do it psychopathic villain style. Telling them her backstory before she obliterated him.

"Both of my parents are doctors. It's all I ever wanted to be. I used to practice the Hippocratic Oath all the time. Heck, if someone were to step on a bug, I'd go 'Do no harm' It's built into my DNA," Caitlin stopped and chuckled humorlessly. "Unfortunately, my DNA isn't what it used to be. So believe me when I say, answer all of my questions or I will harm you and your family." She smiled devilishly as she backed this man against the wall, threatening him with her icicle that she could easily cut open his heart with. She asked him who Alchemy was, and almost as she suspected, he didn't know. Heck, nobody knows who that freak was, even his own followers didn't know.

"Can Alchemy take away powers?" Caitlin asked with a sense of hopefulness in her voice.

"Y-yes. But you can't make him do anything. He's an acolyte, we both serve Savitar." Caitlin's smile disappeared. She was growing impatient with this man, and she was going to kill him. But the man kept talking. He kept saying that in the future she was powerful and glorious. Every bone in her body was begging her to end this man's life for defying her. Kill him. He could be her first kill. But that stupid, small, insignificant little voice kept saying, "Leave him alone. Do no harm, Caitlin." She couldn't bring herself to kill him. She heard a muffled cry outside of the house calling her name. _Cisco. Ugh, I really didn't want to have to kill him today. He's one of the few I still like._

She ran out of the house, leaving the acolyte alone to face her best friend and pretty much brother.

"Really Cisco, you brought your toys?" She scoffed. "I told you Cisco, this is why I wanted to leave Central City, and escape before I hurt anyone of you guys, and you convinced me. Now, I have to hurt you."

"I was hoping it wouldn't come to using them," Cisco said, staying strong in his position.

"It won't." The ice coming from Caitlin's hands surprisingly wasn't scaring Cisco. He wasn't backing down.

"You think seeking medical advice from someone named Dr. Alchemy is the way to go? We can help you, Caitlin." Cisco said meaning every word.

"Why not? My name is _Killer Frost._ " She hissed. Every single word was a blow to Cisco. _He's cracking. He isn't going to stay strong forever, I almost have him. One more thing to put him over the edge._

"Your name… is Caitlin Snow." _Here it is, one more blow._

"Can Caitlin Snow do this?" She said, feigning innocence as she blasted Cisco with full on ice showers. She laughed as Cisco ran from her power and took cover. "C'mon Cisco, give it up. Let me be and I won't hurt you." Her distorted, deceitful voice said coyly. The blonde in her hair was growing rapidly. It almost wasn't brown anymore. Cisco tried to fire back at her but missed. They both turned to see a streak of red headed towards them. _Barry, you idiot, why did you come? Heh, well. This is my chance to finally kill Barry Allen once and for all._

She shot a sheet of ice out of her hand and watched Barry slip and fall past her. She walked closer to him and leaned over his body.

"How's the leg, _Flash_?" What she wasn't expecting was him knocking her to the ground. There they laid, side by side when Caitlin had an idea.

"That was cold Flash, but this is colder." And with her energy she had left, she sat up, straddled Barry and began to put her icy lips to his. It was funny how this way, she was Caitlin and Killer Frost. The inner Caitlin was hot and bothered, and wanted to kiss Barry forever. Just feeling his lips on hers released so much of the sexual tension between them. She could feel herself taking away his warmth, and she loved it, loved the pain she was causing him. _Barry Allen, this is what you deserve for all the pain you caused me. You broke me. I hope Flashpoint was worth my suffering, because you are not leaving this street alive._ This was almost exactly like her dream. She kissed Barry and killed him. She had her eyes closed, enjoying the kiss, but then Killer Frost took over and began to kiss the life out of him. Literally. She opened her eyes to see Barry staring helplessly in fear at her. Barry was frozen. He couldn't move even if he wanted to.

Barry remembered Earth-2's Killer Frost doing the same thing to kill her victims. But then he also remembered when she kissed D.E.A.T.H.S.T.O.R.M, He could combat against her cold because he was fire. He desperately tried to move out of her grasp but he was frozen to the ground, shell-shocked that Caitlin, _his Caitlin,_ was on top of him and kissing him.. At first it was a pleasant shock and he kissed back with his pent up feelings for her that he recently discovered. But then he realized what she was really doing, she was killing him! Freezing the life out of him with her icy lips. Out of all of the scenarios and fantasies he had about Caitlin kissing him, or him kissing her, this was definitely not one of them.

Caitlin kept staring directly into his eyes, wanting to end his life and come to peace with the dream that had haunted her thoughts for months. She almost killed him when she suddenly felt herself being thrown off of Barry's nearly lifeless body and into the air. She saw two things before she became unconscious. Barry's frozen exterior, and Cisco running towards her. Her vision was fading, was this how Killer Frost died? _Fight the black… Don't succumb._ It was futile. The black overpowered her, and she was out cold. Death was all she saw now.


	8. Author's Note

Hey guys, I appreciate the support that I have been given on this story over the years. I realize that this story has become the type that I hate... unfinished. I honestly kind of forgot about it to be quite honest. However, I think this story should get a proper ending, and I will post an update soon to give you guys an ending to the story. Thanks for sticking with it! Also: I'm sorry that you are possibly getting an alert on this story just to open it up to see this note.


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you guys for the support this story has gotten over the years. I apologize that it has been so long it getting this out to you, but I hope you enjoy the final chapter of, Layers of Ice.**

 _"_ _Cait? Caitlin? Hey, are you okay?"_

 _Caitlin woke up to find herself laying on a surprisingly comfortable brown leather couch in a strange house. The sunshine was cascading in through the small dusty window on her left. There was a blanket draped over her as if someone had tucked her in, with a purple suede pillow behind her head. She went to move and was immediately overcome with an intense ringing in her ears and a mind-splitting headache._

 _"_ _Hey, hey, hey, Cait, take it easy!"_

 _Caitlin looked up past the coffee table next to the couch and… Barry? What in the world is he doing here? Didn't I like just try to kill him? Barry smiled widely and moved across the room to sit on the couch beside her._

 _"_ _Barry? What is going on? Where am I? I thought I was on some street in the cold." Caitlin said, confusion in her eyes and slight fear in her voice. When Caitlin said 'cold', she noticed suddenly that that chill she had become so accustomed to in recent, was mysteriously gone. Was it because of something Barry did? What is going on? The last thing I remember is… kissing him. I straddled him, and kissed him. But wait, oh think Caitlin! Think! Something doesn't seem right. I remember enjoying it and wanting him to know just how much I wanted him! How much he meant to me. How much he turned my life around, and gave me a new purpose. How I somehow fell in love with my best friend. How I never wanted anyone to love him but me._

 _Barry's voice pulled Caitlin out of her deep thoughts._

 _"_ _Cait, we were fighting against Savitar and he knocked you out! I took you back to my place to let you rest, but not after giving Savitar a lightning rod throw and a super speed punch!" Caitlin looked at the gleam in his eyes. Those freaking green eyes. Those eyes that always makes me fall in love with him over and over again. Still, there is something not right with this…_

 _"_ _And, I was hoping we could also finish what we started earlier." Barry said suggestively as he waggled his eyebrows at her._

 _"_ _Finish what we started? Barry what are you-"_

 _Caitlin was cut off as Barry closed the distance between them and Caitlin, while still confused, let herself go for only a moment, and realized that this for whatever reason felt so real! His hair was just as soft as she had imagined it to be as she entangled her fingers in his brown locks. She made a mental note to ask him what kind of shampoo he uses. This wasn't Hannibal Bates. This was Barry. I'm finally getting everything I have ever wanted! This is Barry, I'm making out with him, for REAL! Caitlin sat up slowly as Barry helped her, being careful not to make her head hurt too much._

 **"** **When do you think she'll wake up?"**

 _Caitlin pulled away from Barry rapidly, making her head start to spin again._

 _"_ _Barr, did you hear that?" Caitlin asked, confused as all get out._

 _"_ _Cait, the only thing I can hear is my heart beating in my ears because I love you so much. I've been in love with you since Snart and Rory kidnapped you. I thought I was going to lose you forever, but I didn't! You're here with me." Barry said, reassuringly._

 _For the moment that seemed to satisfy Caitlin, and she resumed her fantasy coming true. Barry helped her stand up and his pure green eyes burned into her soul and made her ache so deeply with longing that Caitlin just couldn't take it anymore!_

 _"_ _Why do you have to be so amazing? Now get your butt over here and kiss me right now Mr. Allen."_

 _"_ _As you wish, Doctor Snow." Barry said, mimicking Wesley from the Princess Bride, and making Caitlin giggle with delight. Barry stared into her eyes and caressed her face softly and pressed his warm lips to hers. Caitlin smiled into the kiss and poured into it all those years of pent up sexual tension and frustration, deepening the kiss without even trying. The flood gates were opened, there was no going back now. For the first time, she was happy. She was warm and happy. Barry grabbed the small of her back to pull her closer to him pushing her gently back on the couch. He pulled away slightly and moved his attention to her body, peppering hot, burning kisses down her neck and on her collarbone, sucking in ever so slightly making her inhale sharply. His usually light green eyes were a much darker shade, full of love and desire. This is what Caitlin wanted more than anything in the whole world. He went to slowly lift his shirt over his head to reveal his tantalizingly sexy lightning-ified abs. This was something Caitlin had seen many times while patching him up, but never in this context. She liked to feel his warmth when sewing him up, lingering occasionally on the skin that she knew she could never touch other than giving him stitches. Never in her life did Caitlin Snow think that this would be happening, yet here she is. Caitlin's heart began pounding more rapidly than before, it was as if there was little person banging on the walls of her heart screaming, trying to desperately escape and leap out of her chest. Barry began to tug at the hem of her oversized sweater._

 _"_ _Oh Barry, let me help you with that." Caitlin pulled away from Barry and seductively lifted her dark blue sweater off of her pale shoulders. She straddled him on the couch and watched as he quickly became slack-jawed, and saw his eyes turn another shade of dark green as he relished in the sight of her porcelain figure._

 _"_ _Cait, you- you're- I." Barry couldn't form words as he stared up at every scar, every blemish, every beautiful mark on her body that made her so freaking perfect. She laughed loudly as Barry tried to keep his composure._

 _"_ _I'm- I- I'm what Barry?" she said teasingly and between each word she planted a kiss on each freckle on his chest. Barry started to buzz ever so slightly with pleasure as Caitlin kissed each freckle one by one, oh so painfully slow, maintaining eye contact the whole time. He honestly tried to answer Caitlin's question but every time he tried to form words, the feeling of her on top of him, roaming his body with her hands, the feeling of her lips on his chest, just the feeling of Cait in general made the words get caught in his throat and send a delightful shiver down his spine._

 _"_ _Cait- D-don't stop" Barry moaned as she trailed up his body and onto his neck, and whispered her hot breath into his ear,_

 _"_ _I need you." That was it for Barry as he moved to kiss her again. They were pulsing with so much desire and love for one another when Caitlin heard it again._

 **"** **Dude, she tried to kill you."**

 _The voice was back. Caitlin pulled back abruptly, leaving a comically unsatisfied Barry in her wake. Barry has to hear that, how can he not hear that?_

 _"_ _Barry. How can you not hear that voice? It's as clear as day, and it sounds like it's coming from the front door!" Caitlin remarked. Barry's eyes filled up with concern as Caitlin moved towards the door to look outside and see who was speaking._

 _"_ _Cait, do not go out that door! Come back to me, I need you." Barry warned, panting as he was out of breath from becoming undone by Caitlin._

 **"** **I don't think she is going to come back guys."**

 _Caitlin whipped around, "Barry, the voice is literally right on the other side of the door! Did you not hear that? I'll be right back, I'm just going to check it out." Caitlin turned the doorknob and opened the door to reveal nothing but black. Black and voices. She turned around, "Barry?"_

 _But Barry was gone. Instead the ringing in her ears suddenly amplified and the cold that she thought she had gotten rid of had suddenly frozen her body to the core. She felt this intense brokenness and rage that she had never felt before. The ice was freezing her, she kept hearing voices of people she thought she could recognize._

 ** _"_** ** _Killer Frost turned her into a monster."_**

When she heard the word monster, it was as if everything clicked and Caitlin woke up with a small, nearly inaudible gasp, remembering everything so vividly. The cold kiss she had shared with Barry as she tried to murder him in well, cold blood, heh heh. She remembered how Barry told her that he selfishly tried to alter time to get his parents back, turning her into Killer Frost and killing Dante and changing little Sara Diggle into a John Diggle Jr. **_C'mon Caity, you weren't really fooled by that crap, were you?_** _Killer Frost! Give me control of my body, I'm angry, but we don't have to kill people!_ _ **Oh sweetie, my name is Killer Frost after all. I'm gonna do what I do best. Kill. Also, come on, in that ridiculous love fest dream of yours, it was Barry you were fantasizing about? Ugh, it was disgusting. Oh well, time to take a back seat Caity, let's see how I can destroy all of your relationships and their lives while I'm at it!**_

Caitlin stood up from the pipeline cell she was in to see that all of Team Flash was staring at her with pity and sadness.

"Whew! I guess I just needed a little sleep. Thanks guys!" she said in her best Caitlin Snow fashion. She watched as each face remained unconvinced.

"C'mon guys, you can let me out, I promise I won't hurt anyone." She scanned the room, still they were not buying her act. She sighed to herself.

"I guess you guys are smarter than I thought." She turned her attention to Cisco, "That was some blast there Vibe-boy, it's kinda hurt a little."

"I didn't want to hurt you, Caitlin." Cisco said with remorse in his voice and pain behind his eyes. **_Oh gosh Caity, seriously? This is pitiful. 'I didn't want to hurt you' bull-crap. Cait, can't you see that everyone here hates you? I mean come on, you're in love with the Flash and he is in love with another woman, Cisco tried to kill you, and now because of your actions, Joe will never look at you the same way again. I'm doing you a favor by bringing this honest, sexy killer side out of you._**

"You're pathetic." She may not have taken a literal ice dagger through Cisco's heart, but Cisco was shattered hearing that come from a girl he considered a sister. Barry tried to change the subject.

"Alchemy can't help you. But we can. We will, I promise." Barry seemed determined. His eyes searched hers, trying to find the fragments of Caitlin he knew to still be in there. _Promise? He promises?! What does he know about promises?! He broke every promise that ever counted!_ _ **There you go, release your anger! Give into the rage. I promise it will help you feel better.**_

"Like you promised Eddie?" Any shred of hope Barry had was gone from his eyes. He looked defeated and Caitlin loved it. "And like you promised Ronnie? I mean c'mon, you didn't have to let him fly into that blackhole. He DIED Barry. And I will never get him back this time. I buried him once, and you forced me to bury him again." Barry couldn't even bring himself to look her in the eyes. "Ya know, for a hero Flash? You sure do let a lot of people around you die." Every word she uttered, although so painfully truthful, was a piece of everyone's heart shattering, Barry's the most.

"This isn't you talking, it's the powers." Barry still couldn't meet her eye level. Caitlin scoffed, anger growing by the minute.

"Are you trying to convince yourself? Because that's sure as heck what it sounds like."

"They're messing with your mind, you're sick." Barry, still seemed as if he was avoiding the truth and Killer Frost was right, he was trying to convince himself.

"Sick? No, no, no, when you're sick, you're treatable. But me Barry? Me? I'm _broken._ " She said with a firm whisper. Somehow Barry knew that was Caitlin talking, His Caitlin, talking this way. He knew he had hurt her, but never realized just how deep this scar went.

"But honestly Barry, why do you even care? You've got Iris. The woman of your dreams, the girl you've loved since forever. You got your happy ending Barry, everyone else be damned." She watched as Iris looked away from Caitlin's icy gaze.

"Listen we all know that you can't help me, so you might as well let me go. And I promise, which means something I won't break Barry, that I will leave you all to your sad, miserable little lives." Caitlin attempted at a compromise. But Barry for some reason, refused to bargain.

"No. We aren't abandoning you." He said somberly, resolved in his voice.

"YOU DID THIS TO ME!" Caitlin yelled out with raw emotion. She was tired of the broken promises, tired of being used. She just wanted to be free. She watched as the people in the room wince at her words. **_There you go. Don't you feel better?_** On that note, Barry couldn't take it anymore and closed the pipeline gate. She had succeeded in her goal of making him feel even the slightest glimpse of the pain she felt.

.

.

.

.

.

Hours went by as Caitlin sat in the pipeline, for the first time realizing just what the other metas they put in here feel like. Trapped. Alone. Forgotten. She let ice come to her fingertips and form a ball. Tossing it up and down until she missed, and it shattered. Shattered just like the real Caitlin's heart. She was upset. Caitlin wanted to cry but Killer Frost was resilient and refused to show any emotion except rage. She felt like an evil version of the Hulk, minus the super strength. **_Caity you are pathetic, pick yourself up. We don't need these idiots, we take care of ourselves._** _So I guess this is how Gollum/Smeagol felt. Two voices in his head warring against each other._ _ **Get a grip. The first chance we get, we are killing our way out of here.**_ Just then Caitlin's ears perked up as she heard the sound of pipeline door being opened. She stood to her feet and let Killer Frost's persona wash over her, the stone-cold killer she is doomed to be forever. Caitlin felt Killer Frost's smirk begin to form as she saw none other than good old Barry Allen standing at the pipeline gate. _This should be good. Let's see what speed boy has to say._

"We need your help, Caitlin." Barry said, actually looking her in the eyes this time. "Wally he's- um. He's out of the cocoon, but his biochemistry is all out of whack. He went AWOL" She could see the pain in his eyes. Delighting in his misery, she asked,

"Sooooo? That's my problem because?"

"When we find him, he's gonna need your help. He's going to need your medical expertise. Your experience with metas. He needs Caitlin Snow, MD." Caitlin smirked. _Of course, another thing he wants to use me for. Forget helping me stop this bloodlust and get rid of these powers, but ohhh Wally needs help, so yes let me drop everything and help you Barry Allen._

Caitlin said, oozing confidence and defiant as ever, "So, you came over to try and talk some sense into me?" She scoffed, knowing there was no way that Barry would convince her. Her hate was stronger than her love at this point. She was too angry. After all, she did vow to kill him, and kill her way out of here if she needed to.

"No." Barry said as he moved toward the gate. _No? What is his play here? To force me? What an idiot._ "I came to let you go." He opened the gate. Caitlin looked around, stunned that he would actually be this stupid to release her. She stopped leaning against the wall and stood straight up, hesitating at first, still trying to analyze what this play was. _There has to be a catch. No way he's just gonna let me go._ She walked towards him with confidence.

"For a smart guy, that was a really dumb move." Caitlin said, that smirk still on her face.

"Like I said, you're free to go." Barry said. Caitlin scanned his face and eyes for any sign of deceit, as Barry consistently wore his heart on his sleeve. There was none. She always had been pretty good at reading him. Heck, she stared at him enough to know when he was lying. Barry's face remained somber and resolved, two emotions she wasn't expecting from him right now. She expected pain, anger, deceit, anything. It just wasn't there.

"Okay speedster, what's the catch?" Caitlin asked, ready for anything. Barry's face remained unchanged.

"You have to kill me." He said without fear. She smiled at this, finally, _finally_ getting her chance to kill that stupid, pain in the butt Barry Allen once and for all.

"Oh, you want to fight, Flash?" Caitlin taunted, preparing herself for a battle. Barry shook his head.

"No Cait, I'm not going to fight you. But if you want to leave this room? You're going to have to kill me." He said it with such resolve that made her feel powerful. _This is my chance, and he isn't even going to fight back! Oh my gosh, I get to kill the Flash. I get to kill him once and for all and then I will be rid of him and all of these stupid people who "care" about me. None of them care. Nobody cares._

"Making it easy for me huh? Don't think I won't do it." Caitlin said confidently.

"Then do it." Barry's tone was careless, egging her on. He didn't seem to care that she was about to end his miserable life. She let ice form into her hand into a pointed dagger, raising it up to his chest she watched as Barry glanced at it, and back at her, directly into her eyes. The thing that made her hesitate was his lack of fear. There was no fear in his eyes at all. He gave her a half smile.

"What are you waiting for?" Caitlin looked at the dagger and back into Barry's eyes. _What am I doing… This is Barry. I can't do this._ _ **Think of the pain. Focus on your anger. KILL HIM.**_

"Come on, what's the big deal, you claim you want to kill me so just do it. Live up to your name, _Killer Frost_. I want to see some killing." Barry's voice grew firmer. _He called me Killer Frost. He's begging me to kill him, yet I can't. WHY AM I SO WEAK? HE'S OFFERING HIS HEAD ON A PLATTER, JUST LIKE I WANTED. YET I CAN'T KILL HIM. I can't do anything right. Not even living up to my name._ "You want to be the villain? Then be the villain. This is what they do, they kill their friends because nothing matters to them anymore, right?" Barry firmly whispered, trying to convince her of the lie she had been telling herself all along.

" _Right?"_ He grabbed the arm that had the dagger in it, yanking it closer to his heart. "Come on!" He was gripping her arm so tightly pushing it onto his body. All she had to do was push it in, and this would be over.

 **"** **Kill me, Caitlin."**

He let those words come out of his mouth slowly, letting each one sink into her head one by one. He was gritting his teeth, staring her directly in her eyes with so much fire, demanding that she kill him. Caitlin hesitated again. It was as if every memory that her and Barry ever had together was flashing through her head all at once as she looked in his eyes. Him comforting her in the pipeline for the first time when she mourned Ronnie, Karaoke Night and letting him undress her and redress her, being there for him when Iris was with Eddie, or when he would come in complaining about Julian. When he rescued her from Zoom, stopping at nothing to get her back to him. All of those moments they would share a joke, or laugh at Cisco's expense, the moments they protected each other from harm. When she helped him put Grodd on the Gorilla planet, or any of the times she would patch him up after a fight. When he rescued her from Snart and Rory, the first time he was awake and they began to train him, she remembered words he said to her, all those years ago.

 _He was staring at her as she pushed some buttons on the scanners on his body._

 _"_ _What?" She glanced up at him, more focused on her work than the boy she would soon come to love._

 _"_ _Nothing, I just noticed you don't smile too much."_

She remembered those words, because every time after that she was around him, she'd smile. She honestly couldn't help it. He just seemed to have that effect on her, it was uncontrollable.

All of these moments kept flashing through her head, and her eyes began to pool with tears.

"You can't do it. You can't because underneath all of that cold, you're still you." Caitlin's grip on the ice dagger loosened and she felt it drop from her hands. Her eyes flashed back to normal and she crumpled in Barry's arms. _I guess my love ended up being stronger than my hate after all._

"Barry-" Her voice cracked as she gave him a hug with all of the strength she could muster.

"It's okay, I got you. You're safe. It's okay." Barry hugged her back so tightly as he finally had his Caitlin back. She was back, in his arms at last. She missed this. She missed his warmth. No matter what he did, she still loved him. He was still the man that she loved unconditionally, yeah he messed up, but he's human after all. He just wanted his parents back.

They stayed like that for a very long time, only pulling apart because they were both crying.

"Hey Cait, I think you need a tissue." She laughed out loud as he flashed out and back to grab her one.

"How is it that you always know how to make me smile?" Caitlin asked with a smile in her voice. Barry's face softened, and he grabbed her hands.

"Because Cait, I noticed you didn't smile when I first met you. From that moment I made it my goal to make you laugh every day, even at my own expense. You're my best friend, Caitlin. I-I love you." He whispered softly.

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Epilogue

As you might have guessed, they eventually stopped Savitar. Wally was okay, Cisco eventually forgave Barry, and Iris and Barry broke up. They moved on to the next big bad, and the next, and the next. However daunting the new villain was, they always had each other to help them get through the pain. He knew that she would never leave him no matter how hard things got, and the same was with she. They knew that life without each other would be simply unbearable. They eventually got married, and had a little Barry running around after a few years. They knew no matter what the challenges the road ahead of them had, they would face them.

 **Together.**


End file.
